Wednesday, February 9, 2011

(No Title)

I dunno if I'm suppose to put a title up at the top or something... Maybe I should put the date? Oh well.

Today has been one hell of a rough day for this super villain... As you all know I'm under therapy, and today was one of my therapy sessions. Todays session went well I think. We talked about issues with my mother, my time spent in the assylum, you know, things like that. I'm making good progress, I haven't had any regressions yet.

I do drive, I have a nice jaguar that I got from a dealership heist. It wasn't the actual jaguar dealership, just some used lot. We couldn't find the actual dealership. I got it a day before my nervous breakdown so I've finally got a chance to drive it around. This baby does zero to sixty in 4 seconds! And it's stopping distance from 60-0 is 148 feet.

And yet some jack ass in a gigantic monster truck rear ended me!!! And he ran off! I melted the steering wheel itself from my rage!! I had to drive using the little things that hold the wheel. You know what they are. I chased his ass down, and it took a while to get him at a red light. In my rage, I forgot I was a user of the dark arts and grabbed the tire iron to smash his window. I stomped toward his door, busted the window in, said "hey tough guy!" and pulled him out of the truck with unholy strength! And yes that is a spell. I dragged his struggling and wriggling body to show him the damages to my jaguar with his face. "See this!" I said to him, "See this!? This is what your crappy truck did! I aughta tie you to my bumper and start driving! You ever go street skiing with your face!?! Now give me your insurance information!" I think I smelled his pathetic fecal matters at this point, as he shakily said he didn't have insurance. So I tied his dumb ass to my bumper and had at it! Once I had painted the town red (HA!) I sent his soul to the 8th prison of jez larah! How hard is it to get insurance on a car!? You know you are suppose to have insurance on your motor vehicle so get it!

After that, I called the super villain insurance claim and told them what happened. They told me there was nothing they could do and I threatened them with my wrath, but he cut me off... I had to order one of my students of the night to get my ledger so I could see how much we had to spend on fixing my jaguar. Luckily we had enough but we would be eating cold cuts for a while... I am not looking forward to ham and cheese sandwich week.

Wednesday is also the day I teach my students how to meditate and summon monsters of their own. Unfortunately if heard by mortal ears it can cause insanity or annoyance. Though I don't know why mortals are nosing in on my affairs. I also wish to know what your obsession is with the weather!? You people are always asking "So how about the weather" as if your skin is unable to detect the temperature, or you are unable to look up! Gah, annoying wretches!

Usually my wednesdays go by quietly and without interruption, but today I had a visit from the neighbors who I have no idea who their names are nor do I care to learn them! One of my henchmen fetched me to discuss a complaint about excessive noise. I told them that they could bury their heads on the third dimension of bakram schroimash and tear their own insides and use their intestines as a rope to hang themselves with! Then slammed the door on them. That showed them!

...but then the cops came about thirty minutes later. I mean really was it totally necessary to call the police? We could have handled this like reasonable adults and sat down to discuss the noise levels... anyways the police said that I had to keep it down or suffer a fine of great monetary proportions! I proceeded to yell at them about the hit and run that I had suffered! They then asked for the mans name. Suddenly I realized that I had killed him and sent his soul to suffer eternal damnation. I quickly told  the officers that we would meditate some other time and closed the door! Smooth move, triple M.

So, I'm broke, and my head hurts, yet again. I think I'll stay in bed tomorrow...

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