So I didn't write one on Sunday. Sue me. I don't plan to write them on Sundays.
Today was my scheduled therapy session, and he has told me that he would like to see me twice a week instead of three times a week. So, I feel confident that our talks are going well. I always assumed people went to therapy because they had been in a nut house for several days. Turns out I was right.... it's difficult for me to write about what we talk about, mostly because it's none of your fucking business.
So, we'll just skip that then. Today I had a visit with my master and one of his friends, as is mine: The Caped Conjurer. We studied together, and we even went on a few heists prior to my rise to power and needing henchmen. Conjurer is a solo act, mostly because he's so bad ass he doesn't need henchmen. I however feel like if I don't have henchmen I'll appear to be some second rate supervillain, kinda like the guys from the spider man comics. I told Conjurer that I wanted to be like a magical version of, say, the joker, but without the clown crap. Him and I went to the same shadow kabal that produces guys like us, basically super villains or world leaders. Some people say that the kabal controls the world, but they don't... if they did they'd have a better looking kabal than that shit stain... Seriously the wall paper was peeling off it was pathetic. Anyways.
So we went out to lunch at one of the local super villain restaurants. My master immediately questioned why I had chosen this life instead of becoming a dark necromancer or a demon tamer. I told him that necromancers were dicks and demon tamers were the same as lion tamers: lame. I wanted the glamor and the action that comes with super villainy; plus they throw some great parties. Last year I went doctor robotico's bash, holy crap... I am still trying to figure out how the fembots work, and why they are always trying to get me into another room alone with them. They must have thought I was their tech guy or something... Don't know how they could confuse that, though, I basically dress like a better Arthur Dent, if you know who that is. You should read the hitch hikers guide to the galaxy sometime... Fantastic read, actually.
So master, Conjurer and I caught up a little. I refused to tell them about my nervous breakdown. Conjurer was apparently getting ready to move to another dimension to do his evil deeds from there. He was selling his old place to a young and upcoming evil alchemist. I had to mock him, and asked the conjurer if he still believed he could make gold out of garbage. Apparently, the alchemist did, and in fact he was still looking for the philosophers stone. We should have told him we have five in the kabal. Maybe we could lend him one! HA!
Just as our lunch had arrived, I saw HIM!!! IT WAS THE PRIVATE EYE! I jumped out of my seat and yelled "YOUUUU!!!" And shot lighting from my hands! He dodged and fired at me with his pathetic gun! I easily sent the bullets to another dimension, and assaulted him with flames from another realm! My master and the Caped Conjurer jumped to their feet to assist.... HIM! THE SWINE!! They grabbed me and asked the stupidest question ever: What am I doing. WHAT THE HELL DOES IT LOOK LIKE I AM DOING! I am trying to send my arch nemesis TO THE GREAT BEYOND!!! They said it was ridiculous that some private detective would even have earned the wrath of my hatred! By the time I explained it all to them, the detective had, legged it, as he says. The coward! I threatened both of them with my wrath! But... they said they'd heard that line a million times... Then they proceeded to mock me for trying to kill a lowly private eye. I NEED NO REASON TO KILL MY ARCH NEMESIS! They so desperately asked me why, why did I want to kill him. Let me tell you all why that detective has earned my wrath!
It was nine years ago. I was celebrating my year anniversary of being a super villain by summoning an entire harem of women (not succubi, I planned to keep my soul that night...) We were just in the middle of the ceremony, when this... this yellow jacketed DICK walks in the middle of it and thinks we were trying to summon someone named Lucifer, or whatever the name was... I told him to go away and take his nonsense elsewhere, but he pulled out his puny weapon and shot one of my best men. What few students of the night I had that weren't knocked unconscious by the sudden interruption in the summoning spell, were trying to stop Jason's bleeding, while I was in the throws of deep combat with this yellow jacketed menace!! I kept throwing fire at him, but he was too fast and his STUPID yellow jacket was like flame proof or something! I tried lightning, bael fire, nothing! It was like the guy was a ghost! But the douche was just some private dick... He ran away and I had to tend to my fallen student. We buried him that night, and I swore that I would send him to the worse place known to man. I also told them that later I realized it was the same guy who did better than me in college, so really it was a double whammy.
They sort of giggled...
Let me tell you about my master. He was trained in the other world by the fearsome daemon of the tenth archway. Their ranks are the same as the military. The higher the number the more command and death they wield. He trained for one hundred years under his command, and then he opened up the shadow kabal in the mortal realm. He then trained my mother and father trained there; that is how they met. I trained under them and my master as well. I never met the tenth archway power, but I heard he could turn oceans to steam. Now my master, he is quite the powerful man. I am still surprised he even allowed himself to be seen in public. Some say that if mortal eyes gaze upon his, they would be driven mad...
We finished our lunch, and I was left with the tab. One hundred dollars!!! What the hell did they order!? I begrudgingly paid the tab and told the waiter to tell the chef he had six months. He knows what I am talking about...
Afterward we returned to my house where I made some lovely camomile's tea, and master wanted to discuss something with The Caped Conjurer and I. He was thinking of re opening the shadow kabal. It had closed many years ago, and he wanted the two of us to help run it with him. I said it was out of the question, because I had other duties to attend to. Conjurer said he would think about it. I had to pull him aside... because I still needed him! He said he would help me with some things... move some furniture.... help summon a soul for interrogation... you know, simple things. Though in his defense he did say he would think about it. He doesn't have internet either, luckily....
Tomorrow I believe I am scheduled for a heist. I will write about that, TOMORROW!! And perhaps I will share more on tuesday.
Today was my scheduled therapy session, and he has told me that he would like to see me twice a week instead of three times a week. So, I feel confident that our talks are going well. I always assumed people went to therapy because they had been in a nut house for several days. Turns out I was right.... it's difficult for me to write about what we talk about, mostly because it's none of your fucking business.
So, we'll just skip that then. Today I had a visit with my master and one of his friends, as is mine: The Caped Conjurer. We studied together, and we even went on a few heists prior to my rise to power and needing henchmen. Conjurer is a solo act, mostly because he's so bad ass he doesn't need henchmen. I however feel like if I don't have henchmen I'll appear to be some second rate supervillain, kinda like the guys from the spider man comics. I told Conjurer that I wanted to be like a magical version of, say, the joker, but without the clown crap. Him and I went to the same shadow kabal that produces guys like us, basically super villains or world leaders. Some people say that the kabal controls the world, but they don't... if they did they'd have a better looking kabal than that shit stain... Seriously the wall paper was peeling off it was pathetic. Anyways.
So we went out to lunch at one of the local super villain restaurants. My master immediately questioned why I had chosen this life instead of becoming a dark necromancer or a demon tamer. I told him that necromancers were dicks and demon tamers were the same as lion tamers: lame. I wanted the glamor and the action that comes with super villainy; plus they throw some great parties. Last year I went doctor robotico's bash, holy crap... I am still trying to figure out how the fembots work, and why they are always trying to get me into another room alone with them. They must have thought I was their tech guy or something... Don't know how they could confuse that, though, I basically dress like a better Arthur Dent, if you know who that is. You should read the hitch hikers guide to the galaxy sometime... Fantastic read, actually.
So master, Conjurer and I caught up a little. I refused to tell them about my nervous breakdown. Conjurer was apparently getting ready to move to another dimension to do his evil deeds from there. He was selling his old place to a young and upcoming evil alchemist. I had to mock him, and asked the conjurer if he still believed he could make gold out of garbage. Apparently, the alchemist did, and in fact he was still looking for the philosophers stone. We should have told him we have five in the kabal. Maybe we could lend him one! HA!
Just as our lunch had arrived, I saw HIM!!! IT WAS THE PRIVATE EYE! I jumped out of my seat and yelled "YOUUUU!!!" And shot lighting from my hands! He dodged and fired at me with his pathetic gun! I easily sent the bullets to another dimension, and assaulted him with flames from another realm! My master and the Caped Conjurer jumped to their feet to assist.... HIM! THE SWINE!! They grabbed me and asked the stupidest question ever: What am I doing. WHAT THE HELL DOES IT LOOK LIKE I AM DOING! I am trying to send my arch nemesis TO THE GREAT BEYOND!!! They said it was ridiculous that some private detective would even have earned the wrath of my hatred! By the time I explained it all to them, the detective had, legged it, as he says. The coward! I threatened both of them with my wrath! But... they said they'd heard that line a million times... Then they proceeded to mock me for trying to kill a lowly private eye. I NEED NO REASON TO KILL MY ARCH NEMESIS! They so desperately asked me why, why did I want to kill him. Let me tell you all why that detective has earned my wrath!
It was nine years ago. I was celebrating my year anniversary of being a super villain by summoning an entire harem of women (not succubi, I planned to keep my soul that night...) We were just in the middle of the ceremony, when this... this yellow jacketed DICK walks in the middle of it and thinks we were trying to summon someone named Lucifer, or whatever the name was... I told him to go away and take his nonsense elsewhere, but he pulled out his puny weapon and shot one of my best men. What few students of the night I had that weren't knocked unconscious by the sudden interruption in the summoning spell, were trying to stop Jason's bleeding, while I was in the throws of deep combat with this yellow jacketed menace!! I kept throwing fire at him, but he was too fast and his STUPID yellow jacket was like flame proof or something! I tried lightning, bael fire, nothing! It was like the guy was a ghost! But the douche was just some private dick... He ran away and I had to tend to my fallen student. We buried him that night, and I swore that I would send him to the worse place known to man. I also told them that later I realized it was the same guy who did better than me in college, so really it was a double whammy.
They sort of giggled...
Let me tell you about my master. He was trained in the other world by the fearsome daemon of the tenth archway. Their ranks are the same as the military. The higher the number the more command and death they wield. He trained for one hundred years under his command, and then he opened up the shadow kabal in the mortal realm. He then trained my mother and father trained there; that is how they met. I trained under them and my master as well. I never met the tenth archway power, but I heard he could turn oceans to steam. Now my master, he is quite the powerful man. I am still surprised he even allowed himself to be seen in public. Some say that if mortal eyes gaze upon his, they would be driven mad...
We finished our lunch, and I was left with the tab. One hundred dollars!!! What the hell did they order!? I begrudgingly paid the tab and told the waiter to tell the chef he had six months. He knows what I am talking about...
Afterward we returned to my house where I made some lovely camomile's tea, and master wanted to discuss something with The Caped Conjurer and I. He was thinking of re opening the shadow kabal. It had closed many years ago, and he wanted the two of us to help run it with him. I said it was out of the question, because I had other duties to attend to. Conjurer said he would think about it. I had to pull him aside... because I still needed him! He said he would help me with some things... move some furniture.... help summon a soul for interrogation... you know, simple things. Though in his defense he did say he would think about it. He doesn't have internet either, luckily....
Tomorrow I believe I am scheduled for a heist. I will write about that, TOMORROW!! And perhaps I will share more on tuesday.
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