journal entry 12

I feel like I've been run over by a truck... I haven't been this sore since I wrestled with the twin tongue mantis of epich.

Let me tell you what has happened today. After my therapy session, which went quite well,  I immediately loaded up the van and we went to our destination. I was moving my operation to the Disney castle! It would be a long drive to florida, so we stopped off at a gas station to get snacks.

That... was a bad idea... For you see, the private detective and commander dick was there, CHATTING! I rallied my men! I darkened the sky, floated myself, and covered myself in lighting! I summoned many beasts of great horror and peanut butter, and beckoned them to rid me of their puny existence. The private dick called on his super men assassins and commander freedom went to "attempt" to dispose of my horrific minions. I'd like to see him try... these thing's are scarier than those SPAWN monsters.

The Commander dick was struggling with my minions, and the private dick was cowering in a corner. I waved off his men like they were mere insects in my way. My henchmen had over powered most of them, and dickwad was too busy fighting off my horrors to do anything to protect the private eye. At last! After ten years, my revenge was at hand! I lifted myself down, blowing out all the lights and setting aflame to the snack area. There he was... hiding in a corner, soiling himself, fumbling with his pathetic little revolver... I had him, I had him! I extended my hand to barbeque his ass, and then suddenly I was outside and my head was throbbing... Apparently we had missed a gigantic body guard he hired. The guy was the size of a house, practically! He was just climbing out of a hole in the side of the convenience store that I think I may have made with my body... and he was racing over to me. I was feeling a bit dizzy at this point, but I think one of my students rescued me or I turned him into a tortise... or maybe I was unconsious I'm still not really sure... my head is just POUNDING!

I do remember waking up to another hulk sized body guard carrying me over his shoulder to the private eye. He grunted out something like "What do with him?" and I quickly grabbed his nipple and gave him the worst purple nurple ever given. It was so bad, master would have cringed! For you see, dark magicians do not simply twist the nipple, we send the damn thing to oblivion in a hand basket and REALLY twist it, freeze it, burn it, and then fry it!! I think  I made him cry too, mmmm delicious!

So... after being sent through a wall, and suffering a pounding head ache... I once again face my arch nemesis! I remember gripping my electrocuting hand... and then I remember my face being in the private eye's lap... I opened my eyes and I kind of hesistated... did I just have sex with this guy...? Did I get hit over the head with something heavy....? I stayed there, kind of getting my senses back. Yes... yes there's a REALLY bad pain in the back of my head... and talking.. yeah talking... and the private dick guy was groaning. HA! I had landed my face into his yarbles! Take that! And then I realized something else: My face was in his yarbles. I shot up, and wiped my face many times. I can still feel his junk on my face! EUGH!

After taking a moment to recover myself, I immediately looked behind me to see the store clerk holding a large folding chair. What is this wrestling!? I know I'm in a costume and mask but we're not in freakin mexico! I'm not a damn Lucha libre! I gave him horrible nightmares that would never leave him, and then turned back to my nemesis... again... But before I did that I took a quick look around to see if anyone else wanted to pot shot me. Finding no one, I returned to my nemesis to see-...that he had left. The little cry baby was running out the back door. I gave a howl of ethereal volumes and beckoned my students of the night to stop him! Yes I know it's corny and over done but it gets the message across of me wanting him and them needing to prevent him from running. It's quicker than saying all that.

Three of my best students, training in both the martial prowess and magic, springed into action and drop kicked him like a sack of potatoes! I call them my magical ninjas. Nifty name right? I slowly and menacingly marched toward him, again, and savored his final moments of life, while the sound of combat was.... quiet?

You remember how captain dick was fighting off my monsters? Well I guess he tied them all to a lamp post and was now B lining it toward me, because all of my magical ninjas were looking up like a flying saucer had just appeared, but it would be no flying saucer, NAY! It would be a homosexual in black spandex with a giant F on his chest, flying toward me with something heavy! I looked around slowly, and then all I remember were seeing stars, and I think some birds flying around my head... Quite a few birds, actually. It was cute, them flying around my head going "tweet tweet!"

I awoke inside my room, with my student medical staff tending to my wounds. They had informed me that when I was struck I actually stood, blanketed in fire and lighting, and proceeded to.... well beat the crap out of him like a second grader... And I guess he threw me into a nearby car. No wonder my back aches... BUT never you mind!! I shall recover and exact my revenge!

Now if you'll excuse me the pain killers are kicking in and I feel like singing along to Oklahoma!