Journal entry 25

So after a failed attempt to look for "The Marine" (which is the gayest name ever) we tried again, this time the search went wide and far, up and down (He probably had a sewer lair... I've sure as hell never seen him.) And just to humor one of my students I contacted every evil scientist I knew to see if they were missing a robotic hill billy running around calling himself a stupid name. No surprise, they weren't. Wouldn't be the first time though, I remember professor atom bomb once sent his robotic octopus after me... Damn thing was so creepy too.. None the less I sent the damn thing to the seventh ring of Krachen. I thought it was quite clever actually...

In the meantime... I would have to look with my eyes and my intuition to spot our crazed hill billy. But before all that, there was an incident... Us dark magicians can sometimes make rivals or people who are jealous of our abilities, and that can sometimes go very badly... So while I was out and about I ran into a guy from my old dark kabal days, who also took up the super villain mantle (probably just to get at me...) and decided that today would be a very good day to try and pick a fight with me.

I specifically told him now really was not a good time, but he didn't seem to care... how rude of him! Doesn't he realize that my time is very important to me!? So then the freakshow thinks it would be a good idea to switch my mind with one of his minions! SONOFOABITCH! He turned me into some tiny goblin in a cage! So while charlie and my other minions were shooting at this bastard, they were making a run for it. So I tried to blast the cage open! Unfortunately the goblin had my body and my powers... good luck trying to use them though you freak!

Charlie had to free me, and we had to make some phone calls. I called Master, my father, and The Caped Conjurer. They all laughed at my new form. Assholes, the lot of them!! They devised a way to track my body and then switch me back. This took long moments, so I decided to get familiar with my new body. Apparently I did have some abilities, I could turn invisible and shoot green flames. So I wasn't totally useless which was good. However I was about as tall as my table leg, so there were some issues...

They had tracked me down (my body, anyways) and found it was located in some abandoned warehouse near the docks. Every time! It's either some abandoned warehouse or some abandoned mansion or underground, I at least try to avoid the cliches! My master warned me that we should be careful, and advised we do a quick look around first. I notified him that I could turn invisible and so I shall find my body. That being said, they went to gather the necessary materials needed to return me to my normal state. This would take time, as the ingredients are extremely rare, and one must go to both the earth plain and the other realms to find them! I instructed them to use the closet if need be.

Now my job was to go and scout out this "warehouse" where my corpse was being held. I was dropped off a mile away from it, and turned invisible so as not to be seen. The fools! They had no barriers up, no guard dogs, NOTHING! That idiot always was an amateur... so careless! I decided to go into the warehouse itself. Inside I found all I needed to see: traps, guard dogs, ancient circles, man cages, the works. I think this might have been his lair... regardless I retreated back to the van and reported what I saw. The Caped Conjurer then made an S and M joke... whatever the hell that was...


The ingredients would take a day to find, and then another day to prepare... so here I sit... a goblin that can turn invisible and can cook his lunches in a snap... fantastic...  WHAT AM I GOING TO TELL MY THERAPIST!?

Journal entry 24

So I was driving home from therapy when a large van of some sort came barreling down the driveway with some white, red headed buffoon sticking his head out of the window, waving some sort of firearm. He skidded to a halt and demanded that I step outside of the vehicle. I complied, and simply stared at him. Who the hell orders ME around!? The only one who can give me orders is Master and my father! I gave him the chance to explain himself before I turned him inside out with a flick of my wrist. He called himself "The Marine" and that he was to end my reign of terror. You know what I call him? A dangerous hill billy with guns.

I flicked away his silly van with but a thought and a twist of my wrist. Now what has he got!? Well, for one, he had a very large barrel of a weapon pointed in my general direction, that's what. I retreated behind my jaguar as the bullets began to fly, HITTING MY JAGUAR!! This could not be tolerated! However I was a bit busy cowering behind the car... not used to getting shot at...

I immediately lifted my jaguar up and used it as a gigantic shield! The gun crazed idiot kept shooting his ridiculously oversized rifle thing at me! I hate myself for doing it now.. but I had to throw my car at this thing. You know what happened!? He jumped over the damn thing!! I then proceeded to shoot fire and lightning in his direction! He simply rolled and dodged it all! It's like trying to shoot a cat high on catnip!

You know what this all reminded me of? A really bad movie... The only thing I could think to do was teleport away. Course I didn't leave without my whole "Next time!" speech. I love doing that...

So, I was home now, and I had to call the insurance company and let them some some insane hill billy blew up my car. Apparently it's not covered in my insurance... BASTARDS! So now I'm pissed, and I'm car less on top of it. GREAT! I summoned the henchmen and told them to load up in the van! We're going to find "The Marine."

I told them to drive to my last location, and of course he wasn't there. I didn't expect to find him of course, I was going to track him by his heat signature. I used the senses of the ninth way, and began to look for his tracks. Now... for some odd reason he left no tracks. What sorcery was this?! I began to ponder why a human would not leave heat traces. I gathered the henchmen and presented them with this query! One said the man might be a robot... which  I found to be utterly ridiculous... Perhaps the fool was covering his tracks.... But in any case, it appeared I had found a new enemy... these freaks just pop out of nowhere...

Journal entry 23

So after a recovery and some memory lapses (kinda forgot what I did on sunday) I have once again recovered!

We were running out of money so I sent charlie and a few of the students to rob a bank or something, I don't really care... I was never interesting in bank robbing. Sides I wanted to go visit one of my old friends "Whip Chain." He was a weapon themed super villain. Most of whatever he used was on a chain and he wielded it like a whip. The guy was some master of weapons or whatever, don't really think that's a super power, but I know that he's super fast and really strong. Whether that's a mutation or something who knows... I don't like to ask if someone has a third nipple on their ass...

The Whip Chain doesn't have henchmen, the guy's a solo, which is quite understandable considering he uses chain weapons. He'd be smacking all of his henchmen instead of his targets. I always tease him about that, and he always retorts about having funny dressed men hanging around in a small underground area, like he's trying to imply I'm gay or something... prick. I told him what had happened with my nervous breakdown, the psyche ward, and that I was doing the therapy thing and that I had been blogging. He laughed uncontrollably when I told him that. Don't remember making a joke though.... I told him the same thing I told all of you, that I was not some little jewish girl in an attick waiting for NAZI homos to come and get me!

We went to the local super villain bar and had a few. He told me of his last heist and I him. He apparently raided a place where they could gold plate your things, and he had assaulted the area wanting his whip chain to be gold plated. He told me that after about five or six uses of the gold chain whip it was starting to chip away and looked tarnished. WELL WHAT THE HELL DID YOU EXPECT!? YOU HIT PEOPLE WITH A CHAIN! WHAT DO YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN!? Maybe next time you should rub your chain on your enemies if you're so damned worried about scratching it!!! He then went back to the gold plating place, beat them all up, then had a separate chain whip gold plated and mounted that on his wall. I did actually see that, looked really nice. I asked him if it turned any of his gloves green cuz I heard fake gold could do that. Well I felt stupid right there because his gloves were green as well and he told me it didn't really matter.

I then told him of my assaults on captain freedom and my arch nemesis the private detective! Whip Chain asked me why I was still wasting my time chasing around a dick tracy wanna be. I had my reasons damnit...

It was just then that some super villainess decided she wanted to hit on me. She called herself Kat Thief! I had to stare at her for a second... her costume was something out of josie and the pussy cats, and batman. Now, as you know, I am quite picky when it comes to the other sex, and I gave her the eye that most men give to a plate of poorly made food, and said "Are you trying to be cat woman or something? Because it isn't working," and turned to my drink. Kat Thief, defeated, walked away, and whip chain turned to me. "What the hell is wrong with you!? That fox was totally into you!" I told him I was waiting for a lovely sorcerers or magician assistant to become my bride. He continued to stare at me, then downed his beverage. He apparently had to go somewhere, not sure if he grew tired of my company or what.

I went home and received a message from my father. He wanted me to call him as soon as possible, so I did. I'm not really sure how long it's been since my nervous breakdown but the man had just heard about that now. Where the hell has he been!? Third dimension or not you should be able to keep tabs on your own offspring! I told him everything that needed to be told and said that it was nothing to be concerned about. He pressed that images of a death mother causing ones mind to collapse on itself is something to worry about... like I don't know that already... He then mentioned that he was coming over, and I told him that was absolutely unnecessary! But to my dismay, he teleported right behind me... little too late for that... He then asked me where I got all those bruises... long story dad.

We sat in my study for tea and a talk. The old man wanted to know why my mind collapsed after summoning an image of my dead mother. What the hell did he think was going to happen!? I summoned my fucking mother from the dead!!! Or something that looked like her or her soul HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW!? This is the risk that we take when we play with dark magic! Hell even normal magicians have a risk of turning themselves into a frog!

I then introduced him to my companions: Oscar and the gang and of course triple M (who by the way sent my favorite rug to india... damn talking parrots, don't know why I keep him around...) and my father had this look of utter confusion... Like he never had pets? He soon recovered and we continued to talk. How's the super villain life treating you, boy? I simply stared at him and pointed to the totem pole. "Fucking fan-tastic! I gotta totem pole in my study!" He stared at me again. Dunno if he thought I was a disappointment or maybe that I had been knocked over the head too hard. How are the henchmen? Just who the hell asks about how henchmen are doing!? I said the students are doing just fine. They are keeping up with their studies, blah blah blah. I then told him about the heresy I recently suffered. "These things happen, boy."

I just noticed that my father has aged quite well. He is nearing his two hundredth year now, due to him practicing a different type of dark magic, but he is getting to be quite ancient, but he looks about fifty. He has to walk with a cane of course, and he sometimes forgets what he is talking about, but he does look good at least...

He announced that he must go, take care, all that crap, don't summon your dead mother anymore... Yada yada... what a nice visit that was. Now stay away, dad...

journal entry 22

Right so today I woke up on the lawn of someones house... which is why there is no journal entry for friday, or saturday, or sunday.... Let's start from the beginning...

I got a call that the machine I asked for was finally done, and I could not wait to activate it and get a demon electrified!! I immediately teleported over to the power plant to get a look at my gorgeous machine. It was just... fantastic! It had those round points where electricity comes out pointed at a platform. I called for my men to meet me at the power plant, whilst I worked on the ritual to summon me a demon of great power!!

By the time all my students got there,  the sky had grown black, lightning filled the clouds. The ground was glowing red from the summoning circle I had etched with my mind. I was in total focus. My best students stood in their positions to assist with the summoning. After what seemed like aeons, we brought our demon from the second world to the mortal realm! YES! I proclaimed! We then shoved the large beast into the machine and shoved a large amount of electricity up its ass. Finally! I had my masterpiece. I commanded my demon to fry the closest worker. The worker turned to ash! Brilliant!!!

I rubbed my hands together menacingly... it was time to destroy captain freedom! Now, today he was at his little gay tower of freedom, so we swarmed around the bottom of it, much like sharks surrounding their prey. I sent my demon to climb his tower. He was at the very top. The tower, and all inside, would become electrocuted immediately! When the demon reached the top, predictably, captain freedom flew out from the window, shouting his stupid captain freedom bullshit and started to wail on my demon! Luckily it's pure electricity so all it had to do was stare at it and it fell to the ground like a fly to a bug zapper! And yes I called him an IT! I've never even seen under its spandex anyways...

So with him out of the way I found no other choice but to tie him up, toss him into the back of the van that followed us here, and then took him to some remote and abandoned shack and began to torture and interrogate him!! I wasn't looking for any information, but I did ask him why he was palling around with my arch nemesis. The guy said he liked him and he was a nice guy. LIES!!! I throbbed him with a million volts of electricity from my crotch!!! The bastard killed one of my henchmen, nice people don't kill good henchmen!!!

So after that it was saturday. Now, I had completely forgotten to write something on friday, mostly because I was far too busy with my new toy the electric demon. I left captain dick head in the shack, code name hamper, and proceeded to raid the lair of the private detective! This time, oh this time, he was not going anywhere! He had his team of burly gay men assassins at the doors, I guess he knew I was coming. SOMEONE RATTED ME OUT!!! I'll bet it was captain cockhead! I ordered my men to check the hamper, and return to me with their status!!

I ordered my electrified demon to zap the building. After a few seconds, his super asssassins jumped into the fray, and a smoldering private eye sauntered out. I took this opportunity to snag him, tie him up, throw him into the van, and take him to a remote and abandoned warehouse, code name waste paper basket! Oh how I enjoyed this... oh how I laughed! I laughed with the force of a thousand demon cherubs! I finally got the chance to try all the movie tortures that I have seen over the years! I tied a car battery and jumper cables to his testicles, I took a wet potatoe, stuck them into some electrical... thingies... and hooked THAT up to a car battery, and then I stuck it to him!!! I even had a chance to give him the dreaded Chinese water torture!! Unfortunately all I gave him was a nap... Guess the bastard wasn't affected by it.

So I finally began to question him. Where did he get the super asssassins!? Why did he kill my Henry henchman!! Why!!!! He told me that he got the super assassins from a small company called Ze. I left him in the waste paper basket and traveled to this Ze. I went to the front gate and demanded to see their fine selection of super asssassins! The man told me that they made dry wall. DRY WALL!?! I filled his mind with nightmares and DEMANDED the super assassins!! He kept spouting that dry wall bullshit!!!!

I drove back to the waste paper basket and re questioned him! He said I had to go around the back. BAH! It's always around the back GOD WHAT A CLICHE!!! So I drove TO THE BACK of this Ze company, and demanded to see their fine selection of super assassins!! He gave me that stupid "Ssshhh" nonsense. OH COME ON! I'm a super villain! Even I am not quiet about my operations! Just my secret identity... They took me to the main area and showed me their catalog, at which point I told them who I was, what I was here for (to kill their leader) and summoned my lightning demon! Suddenly assassins jumped from every wall, painting, and light fixture! I had to retreat outside, mostly because I shit myself, and mostly because my lighting demon was out there. I sent my demon into the fray while I scoured the building, searching for their leader. Suddenly a thought occured to me... where the hell was that call about my damn prisoner!? I communicated with them and demanded to know what the hell they were doing! They said they went home to check the hamper. WRONG DAMN HAMPER! Then I checked in with the guards.... to my dismay... they did not answer... Oh bother...

And in a rather bad taste, captain freedom flies in through the wall just in the nick of time (This entire weekend has just been filled with cliches hasn't it!?) and hurled me out through the wall. Now, it's not to say that I was not prepared, NO NO! I had donned my unholy armor, gave myself unholy strength, and did great battle with this spandex wearing closet queer! Fire, lighting, wind, nightmares, and many beasts were on my side. Captain freedom was being slowed down by the many imps and peanut butter stains that had covered him!

I had him distracted, and I charged in to do great battle with the leader of these super assassins, moving those who would block my path with a flick of my hand, filling their minds with great horrors! The hallways were a blaze of torment and pained moans. If I'm honest it was a bit like a mix of a dungeon and an orgy house.... There's quite a few of those around, NO I DO NOT MEAN S AND M HOUSES!!!

I took the elevator to the top floor (this building was freaking huge) and was greeted by a man bound in a wheelchair. It was a mix of stephen hawking and professor X. The guy sort of stared at me, and wondered if I was here as entertainment. The only entertainment I plan on doing is for my own, and to turn you into a marionette!!

This is actually a cool spell, I learned it during one of my trips to Cambodia, they like the whole puppet thing over there, and so did a shaman. He learned to tap into the mind of a person and make him your willing slave! I learned to do it like an actual puppet master! Take that builerberg group!

I lifted this man up and began to make him dance for my entertainment. He began to shout rather rude obscenities and petty threats, the likes of which he could not accomplish under my control!

You know that feeling you get when someone is staring down the barrel of a gun while staring right at you? I got that feeling and I suddenly dropped him. Of course no one was pointing a gun at me, but it was the horrible presence of captain freedom! I only dropped him and had a wave of fear on me only because he was not being grappled by my thunder demon... And I slowly turned around to a flying punch and a wash of stars and stripes!

I then awoke the next day with a tremendous headache and aches all over my damned body. I contacted the men. The private dick had escaped and was in hiding. DAMNIT! I had lost it all!!!

And of course I was late to my therapy session, and then I came home and collapsed on the couch. It's another one of those days...

Journal Entry 21

so the other day I was walkin down the street and this guy looked at me funny, right? So I sent him to another dimension. The moral? The Menacing Magic Man don't like funny looks...

So most of you don't know this but I have no significant other. Frankly I find the opposite, well not boring, but a bit mental. Especially in the mortal realm. I haven't found myself a nice witch or necromancer wife that could, well, stand my lifestyle. So I teach the students by myself.

Speaking of which! You're all probably wondering what I've been going on about with the whole teaching thing. You see I am actually all of my student's master. I don't get new students often, but I am basically the head instructor along with charlie and a few other of the seniors.We work on weapons training, hand to hand, summoning, basic magic, advanced magic, and a few of the students are learning stealth maneuvers. We just started that, I haven't gotten the chance to use it yet. Oh and of course I teach them the Artes Liberales, with much focus around the Trivium and Quadrivium. None of that three Rs crap.

So the students live in my bunker with me. My bunker is basically huge, and the students sleep in a separate area, or the night barracks. I sleep on the opposite side in my own private wing, along with chuck, earl and giganto, and triple M. It's a modest place, mostly candle lit; I can't stand light bulbs... they irritate my eyes. It is designed after mostly dark ages and gothic architect, and red carpeting and draping all around. It's quite lovely, actually, I picked out the carpeting myself. I am an avid fan of valuer.

Anyways! Now onto my day. I haven't really felt in the mood to go on a heist or harass my arch nemesis this week... Been one of those weeks I guess, so I spent some quality time with the students and their learning. A few students have caught my eye, mostly because they are not doing so well at all. I took them into my office and told it to them straight: If they don't get their shit straight I will be forced to throw them out! This isn't a day camp this is a place for henchmen and to learn the dark arts! I then told them I could also send them into another dimension... I think that would get their act together. I do not tolerate slackers!!!

I then made a phone call to the power plant. It had been a week since I gave them orders to build my diabolical machine! They were still working on it!! WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY DOING!? I gave them explicit orders: Get it done by next or so help me I WOULD SEND THEM INTO THE NINTH DIMENSION OF THE KINTHOC! When asked what that was I simply told them it's a place where my foot will meet their sorry asses if they don't get their shit together! Damn lazy workers... it's like they're lesser henchmen or something!!!!

After that I was still pretty angry so I decided to make a few more angry phone calls: My telephone bill had been raised, and I demanded to know why! They dared give me some pathetic excuse about how they were short handed and needed the money. They are not getting my money because they will not hire people!!!! I demanded the receptionist give me the number to the people who made the pricing decision, and then told her how long she had to live. I got the number. I then called them and told them that I would visit them in their nightmare and make them shit themselves daily if they did not lower my bill!! They sort of chuckled at first, then I summoned snaked to come out of their power sockets. Suddenly they gladly complied... It's amazing what a little persuasion can do on men.

I then had one of my cooks make my delicious sandwich with the bar be que chips on the top, and enjoyed my lunch while ANGRILY trying to figure out how the computer worked! It kept asking me for some stupid verification code. I had to call the microsoft and yell at them as well!! They simply said if I looked on the back of the case I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE THE HELL THAT IS!!  I had one of my henchmen install the damn thing!! I am a magic guy not a mad scientist!!! I summoned my henchmen and demanded he talk to the lady, I would have nothing to do with this person any longer!!!! They were stupid.

Right, now if you'll excuse me I am going to take an ibuprofen and go to bed. Been a very long and ANGRY day!

Journal Entry 20

Therapy went good, but we didn't have a heist planned today. Too bad.

So you guys have heard about all those monsters out there? You know, big foot, etc etc? Well here let me explain what those are, exactly.

These kind of things aren't demons or monsters per say, but animals from another dimension. Cryptids is quite a good name for them, actually.

So big foot is actually a hairy naked canadian guy. However, the yeti thing is quite real.Yeti's live mostly in snow areas because they come from a snow dimension. They've been known to be quite irritable, loud, and obviously hairy. However it's not their fur. Yeti's are completely incapable of wearing fur. So instead they skin the local wildlife and wear that. Kinda creepy eh?

Now loch ness is sort of a, how you say, sea dragon, if you will. It's actually a mixed breed between a snake, a sea turtle, and a manatee, and comes from a mad scientist known as professor critter. Yes, that's his real title. He's a bit of a creeper. Same with ogopogo and champ, though I think champ has become a log or something.... they tend to do that when they die.

The jersey devil is kinda this tiny horse with wings and a dogs head. it was a botched attempt at trying to re introduce the unicorn into the material realm. I don't know how they thought a dog and a bat would help but... yeah... Mostly it's just an embarrassment to necromancers and dark magicians. Warlocks just laugh at us.

Then ya got that skunk ape thing. Now, we thought it was a redneck hillbilly in a furry costume but when we ran into it it actually turned out to be some sort of monster. Not exactly a yeti... but if you've ever seen the time machine it's a bit like the elois. Like some giant muppet from the muppets. And it wreaks like hell. The damn thing spends most of its time in the water, so yeah it's going to smell like wet... uh.... gorilla monster... I'm an expert on demons not dimension beasts!

There's a monsters out in the congo the natives call Moleke-mbembe, which is a small brontosaurus. And that's basically what it is. Some zoologist and a botonist thought it would be funny to bring back this big ass brontosaurus to the congo to freak out all the natives. Course they didn't realize it would spend most of its time freaking hiding but hey whatever... Backfired practical jokes are always great.

 Okay now... I shouldn't be telling you this... but mothman: He's like earth's deepthroat. No one knows dick about him. Hell I don't even know who he is. He's part of some secret intelligence office. He's basically our version of a CIA agent. Guy's creepy as hell. He's always wearing this long coat he got from the mortal realm, some weird hat, but his wings are always tucked under his jacket. He actually did go rogue, not like he sold any secrets or anything, but he stopped taking orders. I don't know what his connection was with the ohio river bridge was, though, but I heard he was palling around with some human. Anyways the mothman is kinda dangerous. He feeds off of... it's a bit hard to explain... you know when someone thinks that they're being watched by, say, the men in black, but they are just being over paranoid? Yeah, he feeds off of that and latches onto that shit like a leech.

That's about it, really. The rest is really nonsense and you already know about chupacabras, so... Yeah!

Journal entry 19

We've had an issue in our ranks. Normally I would have no problem with betrayal between super villains, I myself have betrayed The Caped Conjurer, and he, myself. However, when it is in my own ranks, I call it HERESY!!!

Let me start from the beginning. A few years back I hired a new set of henchmen. Some of them weren't very good with magic, I'm afraid. Which happens, some people just aren't cut  out for the dark magic life. So, instead of just shit canning them, I put them to work doing other tasks. Organizing the library, fetching books for the other students. Basic care work and upkeep. However, it seems I had employed sleeper agents into my cult. I still have no idea who they belong to... I'm hoping The Caped Crusader.

So they took about twenty five of my henchmen and tried to turn them against me, claiming that I was mentally unstable and unfit for super villaining. They dared to turn my entire cult against me! That is unspeakable! I had to weed out this insurrection and heresy by any means necessary!

I had read in the "How To Deal With A Mutiny" pirate handbook about how to deal with insurrections and I believe that I have a pretty good idea about how to deal with this sort of things. Unfortunately I have neither a pool nor shark tank, so I had to improvise with a diving board and a portal to another realm. Which I'm not sure, it's usually a lottery with these things.

After sending a few of my students of the night to capture who I believed to be their ring leader, I tied him up and put him onto the diving board whilst poking him with a sword, saying "Any last words before I send you into another realm!?" "Hey wait what about due process??" "Oh, right, that. Well, I'm due to process you into another realm!!" and so I stabbed him in the heart and pushed him into the nether portal!

I then rounded up the rest of the traitors, lined them up and gave them a chance to return their loyalties to me. Those who did were punished by cleaning out the most filthy places in the entire house for an entire year. Those who did not, I simply killed. I know, rather boring, but I was in no mood for theatrics this day!!!

So after dealing with this heresy (rather easily I might add) I drove over to my power plant to see how things were going. I was greeted by two associates of the Edison company. I think they were lawyers or CEOs or something. They mentioned to me that I had done an unethical hostile takeover of one of their companies and demanded that I return their power plant to them or I shall be filed with a lawsuit. I had to giggle at that... first off I am a super villain, I'm not so easily sued. Second off they thought they could intimidate me with silly paperwork. These days the only thing that will make me crap my pants is.... well... you should... already know what.... yeah.... I'm gonna move on...

I smiled, because I had a very good plan hatching in my head. "Gentlemen, please, step into my office, will you?" I guided them into the old managers office. I had to move his corpse though, guess I forgot to clean the place. They both shared a worried glance, as they should. I sat down with them and explained a simple thing: I own this place, and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. They went to get up, but they did not make it to the door, NAY! I sent them to the maze of the dead, where they can wander about and try to survive. Knowing them, they will end up freaking out and pissing in the corners.

Meanwhile, I noticed that our grievance box was stuffed with complaints. I gathered all the workers and told them their only grievance shall be that I have disposed of their corpse after I killed them and then fed them to my hedge hog!!! Suddenly the workers did not have any more complaints. One man complained about the color of their uniform, and asked them if maybe a splash of red would make them feel better. He sort of stared at me, then came to a realization that the colors of his uniform were just fine! So glad to hear!

Actually one of them complained that it was riding up in his butt crack and that his crotch was in a vice grip. UGH! I did not need to hear about that! I sent him to the local laundromats  to have it fixed and tossed him twenty dollars to never mention that ever again...

Been quite an interesting few days. Post tomorrow from the ever amazing, ever popular, ever wonderful, and ever powerful Menacing Magic Man!

Journal entry 18

So we had a power outage last night, which is why there was nothing posted. Not like anything happened that was worth posting. Therapy went fine, had a bit of a relapse and a bad nightmare so I took the pills that the doctor gave me, then I sort of slept the rest of today... However, today, I am more than alert, and I exacted my revenge on the power station!

Basically I loaded up my convoy of evil, drove to our edison plant, and made preparations to take it over. First off, have you ever tried to get into a power plant? It's narrow and it's like a maze of pipes and metal grate walkways. So the usual smash and grab wouldn't work here. At all. I'm not here to destroy, I'm here to take it over. How hard can it be to run a power station?

So alright, we had to do this in the boring fashion. I passed around some basic weapons and told them to find an entrance and beat up whoever tries to stop you. Our goal was the main office switchboard. I, meanwhile, would just go straight to the managers office and dispose of his worthless ass. I floated to his main office and blew the door open with the explosive writing wand, and proclaimed "I AM THE MENACING MAGIC MAN! This power plant is now mine!" He just stared at me and said "So, like, are you the new investor?" I floated down and stared at him, and then disposed of him! Meanwhile, my men were combating the ones who refused to go willingly.

After a transfer of power, I gathered all of my new minions and told them who their master was, and distributed new uniforms. I then proclaimed that if there were any legitimate power outages, and even then, I would kill twenty five percent of the workforce. One of them brought up a union. I brought  him up to me and told him how long he had to live. About five minutes. He withdrew the union comment. I told him he had much longer to live.

So then my number two came up and stupidly said "So hey you got a power plant." Duh. He then stared at me. I thought maybe I had something in my teeth or on my face. Then I came to a slow realization: The electrical demon! Of course! This place was a gigantic battery, so why wouldn't it work. I took the time to summon five of the best engineers, and told them what I wanted, how to make it, and when to do it, and I told them if they give me any stupid looks or strange questions I would rob them of their ability of free will. They gladly agreed.

Now, unfortunately I will have to wait while they build it, but I went around making essential changed, covering up any "Edison" logo's with my own logo of three M's stacked on one another.

Now, the goal wasn't exactly to take over the town, but hey I got me a free power plant!

Also my therapist said I don't have to do this once a day anymore. So I'll be doing this three times a week, and once or twice on weekends. Or if I do a heist. I know you kids like to know about my heists.