Thursday, February 24, 2011

Journal entry 15

Should I be giving those titles names or something.... maybe calling each of them "Journal entry" just sounds very star trekky to me... Oh well, I'm sticking to it.

So I'm sore as hell but not sore enough to where I can't plan to steal an ass-tonof priceless antiques today. My sitting room needs to be refurnished and I don't intend on buying anything. We're a little broke... I gathered my students of the night into the shuttles (Maybe I'll rob a car dealership while I'm at it... these shuttle vans are starting to look weird...) and headed to the nearest antique store. Shortly after arriving I gathered all of my men and gave EXPLICIT instructions on using no magic at all! I don't want something catching on fire! The last time that happened the chair collapsed on me when I tried to sit in it. Took hours to get all the splinters from my-...nevermind...

It went a lot easier than I expected. I guess when you've got a bunch of masked guys and their leader is floating about two feet into the air, no one really wants to put up a fight. I perused the very lovely selection of fine red wood chairs and tables, and they even had one of those long backed chairs that I have been wanting since I saw beauty and the beast.

We loaded up the shuttle vans with my new furniture and drove back to my place. Unfortunately we had to leave a few students behind to make room for my new dining room table. I'd pick them up eventually. After arriving home, I found a note on my door, specifying that I come over next door, and that the greatest of urgency of my arrival was required! I believe my neighbor is the praying mantis, a strange insect themed criminal. He isn't a very good super villain... I've always thought of animal super villains as second grade anyways.

He said he needed some help with, apparently, a "ghost haunting." I thought it was adorable... The idea that ghosts would tie themselves to a physical structure is absolutely ridiculous. Let me clear that up right now: I have been a dark magician for twenty five years now, and not once have I ever found a haunted house. Not that I went looking, mind you, but I've never been summoned by one. I humored him, however, and took a quick look around the house. I figured I'd just charge him for this...

However his sentiments rang true, for it was not a spirit haunting his house, NAY! It was the haunting odor of an unemptied cat box! I hit the praying mantis man, and then left.

About that time it was 12:20, and I decided to have lunch. I ordered one of my henchmen to make the usual: ham and cheese with sprinkled bar-be-que chips on the top! But I wanted something different so I went with the grilled option this time. The grilled sandwich was most delectable, HOWEVER, it would have to be put on hold, for I had totally forgotten that I was going to raid captain assholes hideout! You see, commander freedom is usually out of his home on day patrols, doing god knows what, perhaps helping little old ladies across the street, or rescuing kitties out of the trees. Adorable. However, on this day he should have been protecting his homestead!

The plan was simple: Trash the place and download any information that we needed, whatever the hell that meant. Luckily I was not in charge of that portion. We had everything we needed: spray paint, bats of the baseball kind, hammers, my explosive writing pen, and of course our magic. We did not use the shuttles this time, because I wanted to test out a new form of mass teleportation. I can only take about ten people with me, so the rest would have to stay behind. It would be myself, eight students, and two of our students who are good with computers, along with spray cans and the other arsenal. I made the necessary preparations, and then chanted the spell, and with a thunderclap we were gone!

Now, something I think I missed. Perhaps I should have gotten the coordinates, but whatever it was, we wounded up into the house of the former Kremlin in Moscow. Quite embarrassing. I had to go outside and make the preparations with yellow snow... And once again, with another thunderclap, we were gone! This time, we ended up in the middle of a french fashion show. I despise both the french and fashion, so before we left I lit the place on fire! Fashion is nothing more than a desperate cry for help if you ask me. So, again... and we finally landed into the backyard of... my house.... UGH if I had known that mass teleportation was this frustrating I would have simply taken the shuttles!!!! I retreated to my spell book to look up what it was I was missing. It turns out that I must actually write the coordinates into the gaps of the circle, otherwise it turns into a random mass teleportation. It's no wonder I didn't wind up in the earths core.

Finally, finally, after all that nonsense, we were in front of commander morons house. We proceeded to act like "homies" and trashed his place, starting with that hideous car! Turns out commander freedom was not as stupid as I had thought. He set up a laser defense system. I casted a spell of unseen, and we had to quickly move to disable the laser system, or I would have to change my name to The Crispy Magic Man. The two tech students of the night found his computer system, and quickly casted a spell of BSOD, but I don't remember teaching them that, perhaps it stands for binding spell of doom.... I will have to ask them that later... While they worked on mister freedmonts computer, I proceeded to use my pen of explosive to write my name on his walls, IN EXPLODING FIRE! SO THAT HE KNOWS NEVER TO CROSS SWORDS WITH ME AGAIN! The rest of my men went to smashing priceless art work, couches, furnitures, and lamps. I believe a few of them took to jumping on his bed. TAKE THAT! When my tech students had finished with their work, I ordered a hasty retreat to the seven eleven down the street! There, we would mass teleport back to my house.

I have yet to hear of commander freedom, I am assuming he is grieving at the loss of his house hold security. But I can't help feel that I have forgotten to do something... Oh well, I suppose it is not that important...

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