Journal entry 6

 An update on charlie, he is doing fine. He will be home tomorrow.


I have a terrible confession. For the past ten years I have been stalked by a dutchman, and he is the only thing on this planet that I fear most. He just... stands there... staring at me... he breaks out of jail once in a while to stare at me from my lawn or wherever I happen to be raiding. He just stands there... staring... I believe him to be a being from another dimension, letting me know that the end time is soon.

Let me begin by telling you how it all happened. I remember it was late at night, around 2 am, and I wanted a drink of water. Unfortunately none of the henchmen were available, so I had to get myself my own glass. That's when I stumbled upon him... I call him the dutchman haunting. He was standing in the middle of my kitchen, and I conjured up a spell of bael fire to banish the dutchman! He merely stepped to the side. No one has ever dodged my bael fire! I ran to the alarm, but he was there, with those eyes! I used my psychic scream to rouse the lair, and the henchmen came down, weapons and spells in hand, ready to attack the dutchman haunting. But, when they all came... he was gone. Obviously I wondered if I had finally gone insane, but my veteran charlie ran a third eye sweep, and signs show that he was quite real. We put the bunker on high alert with roaming patrols, and also called the police. I mean really who just breaks into a mans secret underground bunker!! The nerve of some people!

He has shown up many times after. My count so far is about one hundred and seventy three. He has been there on heists, on vacations, under water, on mountains, simply staring him. I only know he is dutch because one time he tried to ask me for money in dutch. At least I assume that's what he was asking me. He had his hand held out and everything. I incinerated his hand. Now he stares at me with a missing hand.

I once confronted him, you know. I sent him to the third realm of chthluk sharam, brought him before a tribunal, and demanded to know what he wanted. But he just stood there... staring at me... The tribunal had to let him go because he was not cooperating. He would continue to haunt me, so I sent him to the ninth hellpit in the zone of embers. There, he would spend eternity in a semi pit of fire, not on fire but constantly burning. Yet somehow he made it out.

Who the hell is this guy!? What is he obi wan kenobi!? Is the guy from star wars haunting me!? This is rediculous!

In any case, he is still outside of my house, staring at my front window... Luckily I have the borders guarded by demon guard dogs and nightmare sentries. Damn dutch...