journal entry 22

Right so today I woke up on the lawn of someones house... which is why there is no journal entry for friday, or saturday, or sunday.... Let's start from the beginning...

I got a call that the machine I asked for was finally done, and I could not wait to activate it and get a demon electrified!! I immediately teleported over to the power plant to get a look at my gorgeous machine. It was just... fantastic! It had those round points where electricity comes out pointed at a platform. I called for my men to meet me at the power plant, whilst I worked on the ritual to summon me a demon of great power!!

By the time all my students got there,  the sky had grown black, lightning filled the clouds. The ground was glowing red from the summoning circle I had etched with my mind. I was in total focus. My best students stood in their positions to assist with the summoning. After what seemed like aeons, we brought our demon from the second world to the mortal realm! YES! I proclaimed! We then shoved the large beast into the machine and shoved a large amount of electricity up its ass. Finally! I had my masterpiece. I commanded my demon to fry the closest worker. The worker turned to ash! Brilliant!!!

I rubbed my hands together menacingly... it was time to destroy captain freedom! Now, today he was at his little gay tower of freedom, so we swarmed around the bottom of it, much like sharks surrounding their prey. I sent my demon to climb his tower. He was at the very top. The tower, and all inside, would become electrocuted immediately! When the demon reached the top, predictably, captain freedom flew out from the window, shouting his stupid captain freedom bullshit and started to wail on my demon! Luckily it's pure electricity so all it had to do was stare at it and it fell to the ground like a fly to a bug zapper! And yes I called him an IT! I've never even seen under its spandex anyways...

So with him out of the way I found no other choice but to tie him up, toss him into the back of the van that followed us here, and then took him to some remote and abandoned shack and began to torture and interrogate him!! I wasn't looking for any information, but I did ask him why he was palling around with my arch nemesis. The guy said he liked him and he was a nice guy. LIES!!! I throbbed him with a million volts of electricity from my crotch!!! The bastard killed one of my henchmen, nice people don't kill good henchmen!!!

So after that it was saturday. Now, I had completely forgotten to write something on friday, mostly because I was far too busy with my new toy the electric demon. I left captain dick head in the shack, code name hamper, and proceeded to raid the lair of the private detective! This time, oh this time, he was not going anywhere! He had his team of burly gay men assassins at the doors, I guess he knew I was coming. SOMEONE RATTED ME OUT!!! I'll bet it was captain cockhead! I ordered my men to check the hamper, and return to me with their status!!

I ordered my electrified demon to zap the building. After a few seconds, his super asssassins jumped into the fray, and a smoldering private eye sauntered out. I took this opportunity to snag him, tie him up, throw him into the van, and take him to a remote and abandoned warehouse, code name waste paper basket! Oh how I enjoyed this... oh how I laughed! I laughed with the force of a thousand demon cherubs! I finally got the chance to try all the movie tortures that I have seen over the years! I tied a car battery and jumper cables to his testicles, I took a wet potatoe, stuck them into some electrical... thingies... and hooked THAT up to a car battery, and then I stuck it to him!!! I even had a chance to give him the dreaded Chinese water torture!! Unfortunately all I gave him was a nap... Guess the bastard wasn't affected by it.

So I finally began to question him. Where did he get the super asssassins!? Why did he kill my Henry henchman!! Why!!!! He told me that he got the super assassins from a small company called Ze. I left him in the waste paper basket and traveled to this Ze. I went to the front gate and demanded to see their fine selection of super asssassins! The man told me that they made dry wall. DRY WALL!?! I filled his mind with nightmares and DEMANDED the super assassins!! He kept spouting that dry wall bullshit!!!!

I drove back to the waste paper basket and re questioned him! He said I had to go around the back. BAH! It's always around the back GOD WHAT A CLICHE!!! So I drove TO THE BACK of this Ze company, and demanded to see their fine selection of super assassins!! He gave me that stupid "Ssshhh" nonsense. OH COME ON! I'm a super villain! Even I am not quiet about my operations! Just my secret identity... They took me to the main area and showed me their catalog, at which point I told them who I was, what I was here for (to kill their leader) and summoned my lightning demon! Suddenly assassins jumped from every wall, painting, and light fixture! I had to retreat outside, mostly because I shit myself, and mostly because my lighting demon was out there. I sent my demon into the fray while I scoured the building, searching for their leader. Suddenly a thought occured to me... where the hell was that call about my damn prisoner!? I communicated with them and demanded to know what the hell they were doing! They said they went home to check the hamper. WRONG DAMN HAMPER! Then I checked in with the guards.... to my dismay... they did not answer... Oh bother...

And in a rather bad taste, captain freedom flies in through the wall just in the nick of time (This entire weekend has just been filled with cliches hasn't it!?) and hurled me out through the wall. Now, it's not to say that I was not prepared, NO NO! I had donned my unholy armor, gave myself unholy strength, and did great battle with this spandex wearing closet queer! Fire, lighting, wind, nightmares, and many beasts were on my side. Captain freedom was being slowed down by the many imps and peanut butter stains that had covered him!

I had him distracted, and I charged in to do great battle with the leader of these super assassins, moving those who would block my path with a flick of my hand, filling their minds with great horrors! The hallways were a blaze of torment and pained moans. If I'm honest it was a bit like a mix of a dungeon and an orgy house.... There's quite a few of those around, NO I DO NOT MEAN S AND M HOUSES!!!

I took the elevator to the top floor (this building was freaking huge) and was greeted by a man bound in a wheelchair. It was a mix of stephen hawking and professor X. The guy sort of stared at me, and wondered if I was here as entertainment. The only entertainment I plan on doing is for my own, and to turn you into a marionette!!

This is actually a cool spell, I learned it during one of my trips to Cambodia, they like the whole puppet thing over there, and so did a shaman. He learned to tap into the mind of a person and make him your willing slave! I learned to do it like an actual puppet master! Take that builerberg group!

I lifted this man up and began to make him dance for my entertainment. He began to shout rather rude obscenities and petty threats, the likes of which he could not accomplish under my control!

You know that feeling you get when someone is staring down the barrel of a gun while staring right at you? I got that feeling and I suddenly dropped him. Of course no one was pointing a gun at me, but it was the horrible presence of captain freedom! I only dropped him and had a wave of fear on me only because he was not being grappled by my thunder demon... And I slowly turned around to a flying punch and a wash of stars and stripes!

I then awoke the next day with a tremendous headache and aches all over my damned body. I contacted the men. The private dick had escaped and was in hiding. DAMNIT! I had lost it all!!!

And of course I was late to my therapy session, and then I came home and collapsed on the couch. It's another one of those days...