We've had an issue in our ranks. Normally I would have no problem with betrayal between super villains, I myself have betrayed The Caped Conjurer, and he, myself. However, when it is in my own ranks, I call it HERESY!!!
Let me start from the beginning. A few years back I hired a new set of henchmen. Some of them weren't very good with magic, I'm afraid. Which happens, some people just aren't cut out for the dark magic life. So, instead of just shit canning them, I put them to work doing other tasks. Organizing the library, fetching books for the other students. Basic care work and upkeep. However, it seems I had employed sleeper agents into my cult. I still have no idea who they belong to... I'm hoping The Caped Crusader.
So they took about twenty five of my henchmen and tried to turn them against me, claiming that I was mentally unstable and unfit for super villaining. They dared to turn my entire cult against me! That is unspeakable! I had to weed out this insurrection and heresy by any means necessary!
I had read in the "How To Deal With A Mutiny" pirate handbook about how to deal with insurrections and I believe that I have a pretty good idea about how to deal with this sort of things. Unfortunately I have neither a pool nor shark tank, so I had to improvise with a diving board and a portal to another realm. Which I'm not sure, it's usually a lottery with these things.
After sending a few of my students of the night to capture who I believed to be their ring leader, I tied him up and put him onto the diving board whilst poking him with a sword, saying "Any last words before I send you into another realm!?" "Hey wait what about due process??" "Oh, right, that. Well, I'm due to process you into another realm!!" and so I stabbed him in the heart and pushed him into the nether portal!
I then rounded up the rest of the traitors, lined them up and gave them a chance to return their loyalties to me. Those who did were punished by cleaning out the most filthy places in the entire house for an entire year. Those who did not, I simply killed. I know, rather boring, but I was in no mood for theatrics this day!!!
So after dealing with this heresy (rather easily I might add) I drove over to my power plant to see how things were going. I was greeted by two associates of the Edison company. I think they were lawyers or CEOs or something. They mentioned to me that I had done an unethical hostile takeover of one of their companies and demanded that I return their power plant to them or I shall be filed with a lawsuit. I had to giggle at that... first off I am a super villain, I'm not so easily sued. Second off they thought they could intimidate me with silly paperwork. These days the only thing that will make me crap my pants is.... well... you should... already know what.... yeah.... I'm gonna move on...
I smiled, because I had a very good plan hatching in my head. "Gentlemen, please, step into my office, will you?" I guided them into the old managers office. I had to move his corpse though, guess I forgot to clean the place. They both shared a worried glance, as they should. I sat down with them and explained a simple thing: I own this place, and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. They went to get up, but they did not make it to the door, NAY! I sent them to the maze of the dead, where they can wander about and try to survive. Knowing them, they will end up freaking out and pissing in the corners.
Meanwhile, I noticed that our grievance box was stuffed with complaints. I gathered all the workers and told them their only grievance shall be that I have disposed of their corpse after I killed them and then fed them to my hedge hog!!! Suddenly the workers did not have any more complaints. One man complained about the color of their uniform, and asked them if maybe a splash of red would make them feel better. He sort of stared at me, then came to a realization that the colors of his uniform were just fine! So glad to hear!
Actually one of them complained that it was riding up in his butt crack and that his crotch was in a vice grip. UGH! I did not need to hear about that! I sent him to the local laundromats to have it fixed and tossed him twenty dollars to never mention that ever again...
Been quite an interesting few days. Post tomorrow from the ever amazing, ever popular, ever wonderful, and ever powerful Menacing Magic Man!
Let me start from the beginning. A few years back I hired a new set of henchmen. Some of them weren't very good with magic, I'm afraid. Which happens, some people just aren't cut out for the dark magic life. So, instead of just shit canning them, I put them to work doing other tasks. Organizing the library, fetching books for the other students. Basic care work and upkeep. However, it seems I had employed sleeper agents into my cult. I still have no idea who they belong to... I'm hoping The Caped Crusader.
So they took about twenty five of my henchmen and tried to turn them against me, claiming that I was mentally unstable and unfit for super villaining. They dared to turn my entire cult against me! That is unspeakable! I had to weed out this insurrection and heresy by any means necessary!
I had read in the "How To Deal With A Mutiny" pirate handbook about how to deal with insurrections and I believe that I have a pretty good idea about how to deal with this sort of things. Unfortunately I have neither a pool nor shark tank, so I had to improvise with a diving board and a portal to another realm. Which I'm not sure, it's usually a lottery with these things.
After sending a few of my students of the night to capture who I believed to be their ring leader, I tied him up and put him onto the diving board whilst poking him with a sword, saying "Any last words before I send you into another realm!?" "Hey wait what about due process??" "Oh, right, that. Well, I'm due to process you into another realm!!" and so I stabbed him in the heart and pushed him into the nether portal!
I then rounded up the rest of the traitors, lined them up and gave them a chance to return their loyalties to me. Those who did were punished by cleaning out the most filthy places in the entire house for an entire year. Those who did not, I simply killed. I know, rather boring, but I was in no mood for theatrics this day!!!
So after dealing with this heresy (rather easily I might add) I drove over to my power plant to see how things were going. I was greeted by two associates of the Edison company. I think they were lawyers or CEOs or something. They mentioned to me that I had done an unethical hostile takeover of one of their companies and demanded that I return their power plant to them or I shall be filed with a lawsuit. I had to giggle at that... first off I am a super villain, I'm not so easily sued. Second off they thought they could intimidate me with silly paperwork. These days the only thing that will make me crap my pants is.... well... you should... already know what.... yeah.... I'm gonna move on...
I smiled, because I had a very good plan hatching in my head. "Gentlemen, please, step into my office, will you?" I guided them into the old managers office. I had to move his corpse though, guess I forgot to clean the place. They both shared a worried glance, as they should. I sat down with them and explained a simple thing: I own this place, and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. They went to get up, but they did not make it to the door, NAY! I sent them to the maze of the dead, where they can wander about and try to survive. Knowing them, they will end up freaking out and pissing in the corners.
Meanwhile, I noticed that our grievance box was stuffed with complaints. I gathered all the workers and told them their only grievance shall be that I have disposed of their corpse after I killed them and then fed them to my hedge hog!!! Suddenly the workers did not have any more complaints. One man complained about the color of their uniform, and asked them if maybe a splash of red would make them feel better. He sort of stared at me, then came to a realization that the colors of his uniform were just fine! So glad to hear!
Actually one of them complained that it was riding up in his butt crack and that his crotch was in a vice grip. UGH! I did not need to hear about that! I sent him to the local laundromats to have it fixed and tossed him twenty dollars to never mention that ever again...
Been quite an interesting few days. Post tomorrow from the ever amazing, ever popular, ever wonderful, and ever powerful Menacing Magic Man!
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