So we had a power outage last night, which is why there was nothing posted. Not like anything happened that was worth posting. Therapy went fine, had a bit of a relapse and a bad nightmare so I took the pills that the doctor gave me, then I sort of slept the rest of today... However, today, I am more than alert, and I exacted my revenge on the power station!
Basically I loaded up my convoy of evil, drove to our edison plant, and made preparations to take it over. First off, have you ever tried to get into a power plant? It's narrow and it's like a maze of pipes and metal grate walkways. So the usual smash and grab wouldn't work here. At all. I'm not here to destroy, I'm here to take it over. How hard can it be to run a power station?
So alright, we had to do this in the boring fashion. I passed around some basic weapons and told them to find an entrance and beat up whoever tries to stop you. Our goal was the main office switchboard. I, meanwhile, would just go straight to the managers office and dispose of his worthless ass. I floated to his main office and blew the door open with the explosive writing wand, and proclaimed "I AM THE MENACING MAGIC MAN! This power plant is now mine!" He just stared at me and said "So, like, are you the new investor?" I floated down and stared at him, and then disposed of him! Meanwhile, my men were combating the ones who refused to go willingly.
After a transfer of power, I gathered all of my new minions and told them who their master was, and distributed new uniforms. I then proclaimed that if there were any legitimate power outages, and even then, I would kill twenty five percent of the workforce. One of them brought up a union. I brought him up to me and told him how long he had to live. About five minutes. He withdrew the union comment. I told him he had much longer to live.
So then my number two came up and stupidly said "So hey you got a power plant." Duh. He then stared at me. I thought maybe I had something in my teeth or on my face. Then I came to a slow realization: The electrical demon! Of course! This place was a gigantic battery, so why wouldn't it work. I took the time to summon five of the best engineers, and told them what I wanted, how to make it, and when to do it, and I told them if they give me any stupid looks or strange questions I would rob them of their ability of free will. They gladly agreed.
Now, unfortunately I will have to wait while they build it, but I went around making essential changed, covering up any "Edison" logo's with my own logo of three M's stacked on one another.
Now, the goal wasn't exactly to take over the town, but hey I got me a free power plant!
Also my therapist said I don't have to do this once a day anymore. So I'll be doing this three times a week, and once or twice on weekends. Or if I do a heist. I know you kids like to know about my heists.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Journal Entry 17
That Thundercat Lunchbox my men snagged? Instantly sold for around 40 bucks. As for that totem pole, well, it makes for a lovely bathroom decore- Anyway, so all of yesterday I had a sort of lazy day: I had a few henchmen go out to get Oscar some .. Hedge hog food, a few others to round up some demons to blast them to smitherines, a failed attempt at laundry, and an enjoyable lunch of a ham and cheese sandwhich, I decided to lay off the chips..
Afterwards I decided to take a snooze (I had Charlie go out and mug a few shoppers from Bed, Bath, and Beyond and it turns out they had these satin sheets. The plush color lives up the place.) And here I awake a day later.. Sunday.
I really, really had to do something today, maybe take this pen out for another whirl. I was hoping to come across Captain ass wipe sometime soon, see the look on his face. HAH. I just had to do.. SOMETHING! I began to pace around my study, Oscar snug on my arm. Then he and I went out into the sitting room to admire the new furniture, it was extravegant! In awe of my new dining room table a henchman of mine shuffled in, drinking out of a paper cup- a fancy paper cup actually... "YOU THERE!" I bellowed, pointing at the henchman, "What is that?" The henchman lowered his decorated cup away from him. "'Tis a Caffe Misto, sire!" I snatched it away from him as he was to take another sip. I guess the cup wasn't all too great, really. It showed some broad with a crown and wavey hair on it. I think she's wearing a sweater.. Whatever it is upon the cup I decided to take a drink, I was feeling peckish.
Dare I say.. This fancy crap tasted good. Very good. It was milky, warm.. Had a sweet auroma. I held the cup before me, turning it around to find that woman. "..Starbucks." I read outloud, tossing the cup back at the henchman. I smack my lips, "Star.. Bucks.." I repeated, really having no clue of these words. "Henchman, I've taken a liking to your beverage, where did you find it!?" The little man babbled on about some cafe at the corner of some street. So this Starbucks is near me it seems.. So with that I found out what I was to do today.
Go to Starbucks.
Cafe's are usually harmless, from what I know, but Captain kiss ass could of been out and about. I at the moment didn't feel like dealing with him and his tights. I took three henchmen and Charlie, who by the way was wearing a very nice black turtle neck. It really suits him.. Maybe I should get a turtle neck too, a black and a kashmir type..
We made it to Starbucks. It was a decent sized place, and by the looks of people running in and our the door, along with a few who sat outside on their laptops, or reading some type of useless book, it was a very busy place. I was thinking of how to get in.. There's much glass all around the store, a roof.. But for once I didn't really feel like causing a wreckus, so I went in right though the main entrance. (However, I did blast the door off with my pen. I had to do something.) It was very relaxing in this place. No sort of pastels, just browns and tans, low lights, comfy chairs, and of course the smell of coffee. But what a line! It was mostly full of these kids in sweatshirts, unbearably tight jeans and these strange, clothy.. boots? I think.. Whatever they are they were making my eyes hurt. So with a clap of my hands I instantly summoned small bolts of lightning to the people's feet, the horribly created footwear vanishing from sight! And what did I know, I was up to order! I scanned the rather large menu above my head, all these weird little words with 'chino' and 'frap' were at the end of everything. Frapcoffee, coffeechino, chocolatefrap, chinomint, blah, blah, blah. The woman at the counter stared at me blankely, as if she wanted something from me. Charlie gave me a nudge, telling me to place my order- that being the chico matter frap cafe malto.. That thing I had earlier! I didn't leave with just a lousy cup of coffee, oh no. See, remember my ability to teleport? After much sleep, planning and thinking, I conjured up the idea of teleporting objects with me- I also had four other men with me, so it shouldn't be so hard! I had Charlie hold my chinofrap as I hopped over the counter and to the machine which craft this delicious beverage. My henchmen followed, I told them to grab ahold of some equipment and me- we'll be back for the workers later. With a mightly clap of my hands WE POOFED!
Now, I sit here with Oscar in my lap, enjoying my third muchofrappchino as I do some writting and enjoy the fresh coffee smell and cries of the Starbucks workers in my new addition to my place.
What a great day!
Afterwards I decided to take a snooze (I had Charlie go out and mug a few shoppers from Bed, Bath, and Beyond and it turns out they had these satin sheets. The plush color lives up the place.) And here I awake a day later.. Sunday.
I really, really had to do something today, maybe take this pen out for another whirl. I was hoping to come across Captain ass wipe sometime soon, see the look on his face. HAH. I just had to do.. SOMETHING! I began to pace around my study, Oscar snug on my arm. Then he and I went out into the sitting room to admire the new furniture, it was extravegant! In awe of my new dining room table a henchman of mine shuffled in, drinking out of a paper cup- a fancy paper cup actually... "YOU THERE!" I bellowed, pointing at the henchman, "What is that?" The henchman lowered his decorated cup away from him. "'Tis a Caffe Misto, sire!" I snatched it away from him as he was to take another sip. I guess the cup wasn't all too great, really. It showed some broad with a crown and wavey hair on it. I think she's wearing a sweater.. Whatever it is upon the cup I decided to take a drink, I was feeling peckish.
Dare I say.. This fancy crap tasted good. Very good. It was milky, warm.. Had a sweet auroma. I held the cup before me, turning it around to find that woman. "..Starbucks." I read outloud, tossing the cup back at the henchman. I smack my lips, "Star.. Bucks.." I repeated, really having no clue of these words. "Henchman, I've taken a liking to your beverage, where did you find it!?" The little man babbled on about some cafe at the corner of some street. So this Starbucks is near me it seems.. So with that I found out what I was to do today.
Go to Starbucks.
Cafe's are usually harmless, from what I know, but Captain kiss ass could of been out and about. I at the moment didn't feel like dealing with him and his tights. I took three henchmen and Charlie, who by the way was wearing a very nice black turtle neck. It really suits him.. Maybe I should get a turtle neck too, a black and a kashmir type..
We made it to Starbucks. It was a decent sized place, and by the looks of people running in and our the door, along with a few who sat outside on their laptops, or reading some type of useless book, it was a very busy place. I was thinking of how to get in.. There's much glass all around the store, a roof.. But for once I didn't really feel like causing a wreckus, so I went in right though the main entrance. (However, I did blast the door off with my pen. I had to do something.) It was very relaxing in this place. No sort of pastels, just browns and tans, low lights, comfy chairs, and of course the smell of coffee. But what a line! It was mostly full of these kids in sweatshirts, unbearably tight jeans and these strange, clothy.. boots? I think.. Whatever they are they were making my eyes hurt. So with a clap of my hands I instantly summoned small bolts of lightning to the people's feet, the horribly created footwear vanishing from sight! And what did I know, I was up to order! I scanned the rather large menu above my head, all these weird little words with 'chino' and 'frap' were at the end of everything. Frapcoffee, coffeechino, chocolatefrap, chinomint, blah, blah, blah. The woman at the counter stared at me blankely, as if she wanted something from me. Charlie gave me a nudge, telling me to place my order- that being the chico matter frap cafe malto.. That thing I had earlier! I didn't leave with just a lousy cup of coffee, oh no. See, remember my ability to teleport? After much sleep, planning and thinking, I conjured up the idea of teleporting objects with me- I also had four other men with me, so it shouldn't be so hard! I had Charlie hold my chinofrap as I hopped over the counter and to the machine which craft this delicious beverage. My henchmen followed, I told them to grab ahold of some equipment and me- we'll be back for the workers later. With a mightly clap of my hands WE POOFED!
Now, I sit here with Oscar in my lap, enjoying my third muchofrappchino as I do some writting and enjoy the fresh coffee smell and cries of the Starbucks workers in my new addition to my place.
What a great day!
Friday, February 25, 2011
Journal entry 16
You remember that exploding pen I used the other day? Well I decided to keep it. However, owning a powerful artifact in the mortal realm and using it, especially for my line of work, is... difficult to get an ownership license for. For starters, the citadel head doesn't even like me. He looks at the super villain-ing as a joke and a cry for attention. He just doesn't get the glamor of it all! Well, believe it or not, I had to get HIS approval to use the damn thing.
So on my way to his office, which felt like fucking high school, I thought about the excuses I could make to actually having ownership of this. "Why yes, I do intend to use it to fight menacing demons that are out of my-I mean, the worlds control." After climbing a thousand and one steps (long story short the guy they hired to build it forgot to stop at one thousand) to the tower of the master (not mine,) I had to cast a spell of thrice times knocking, and was allowed to enter. "Why the hell are you here?!" He thundered! Asshole... I requested ownership of a magical explosive writing utensil. "Oh, what, to rob banks with?" HOW DARE HE! I haven't robbed a bank in all the years I have been super villaining. I told him such as well, and dared him to find proof! I do not stoop so low as stealing mortal mens currency. He simply stared at me. I then pulled out the big one: "Look, I'll only use it if there's a demon present." He stared at me more. "Promise?" "For god's sake yes! Gimme the damn pen!" He gave me his all mighty stare into the soul, and proclaimed to all that I was the new owner of the explosive writing wand!
Score.
So after leaving the citadel, I decided to take the pen out for a heist. Don't worry there will be demons present! They'll be mine of course, but there will be demons there! I remembered reading in the news paper that the antiques road show was in town, and knew that there would not only be very rare and valuable artifacts, but perhaps something that I could put into my study... Or maybe some cute shoes... maybe a matching robe too. I do need a new robe, after all. I also remember reading there would be an auction as well. I know I'll hit it big this time. I loaded the henchmen into the convoy of evil and set off! I thought we would first hit the road show, they usually have everything on display right there, whereas auctions have their stuff hidden. Don't feel like looking on the first go.
Okay, so, dunno how many of you have ever been to an antiques road show, but it's kind of weird. See, they usually set it up in a building of some sort... but this is little rock... so they had to set it up in a really big ass tent. I just... felt ashamed of trying to rob it... So instead what we did was knock over the truck and drive off.
So, that was a huge failure, and quite frankly embarrassing. So we then headed to the auction. Now, this would be promising. I ordered the men to enter in civilian clothing, but to keep their hoods up, and I would keep my mask on. I have to keep my identity a secret after all... We marched into the auction to find quite a fast talking fellow, and piles of old crap. I pulled up a brochure to find... well... crap, basically. On the list was an old porno on betamax, an elvis pin ball machine (whoever the hell that is...) a mint in box abraham lincoln bust with the hat missing... a thundercats lunch box!? What the hell IS this!? I just... there's literally no words to put into how I felt at that VERY moment.
You remember charlie, don't you? My second in command? Well, he was there with me, and gave me council. "Do you still want to do this? We can always go home ykno. Go somewhere else..." "No, charlie, no. We must do this, for the other men. They must see that their master is not disheartened by pathetic junk!" "But... this is pathetic junk." I simply stared at him. After a moment, I yelled "NOOOOOW!" And striked into action, ionizing the atmosphere and floating into their. AUCTIONEER! I thunered, YOU WILL STAND ASIDE AS WE PLUNDER (god... plunder... I can't believe I actually said that... Who says plunder anyways!?) YOUR PRICELESS GOODS! Little did I know that he was The Auctioneer!
Let me tell you about this... guy... You see, he was an auctioner, and we all know that their special talents are speaking really, really, fast. Well, one day he was auctioning off some toxic waste (God knows why) and it pretty much exploded onto him while speaking. This transformed his vocal chord and lung functions into a powerful speech super power! He is able to knock people on their asses with his voice, confuse them by speaking fast, and even make them unconscious by overloading their brains with fast speech. It is that powerful. Now, usually people like that would become super villains or something. What does he do!? He works! He's a fucking good guy!
I really wish I recognized him, because by god he gave it to us. He stared at me and let out a powerful boom of his voice, hurling me across the room. Meanwhile, my students got to work to dispose of this menace to villaining kind! The Auctioneer simply boomed his voice, confused my men, and knocked out my students. The little bastard! I had no choice. I had to call out a retreat. But before I did that, I put up the best kinetic shield I could, approached him, and filled his brain with horrible visions of depravity and mister rogers! Do not ask me what images of him I put into his mind, you don't wanna know...
After a hasty retreat and stealing what little we could find (We got the lunch box, might sell that on eBay, and one of the men managed to steal a totem pole, to my amazement) we simply headed back to the bunker and sent some of the men to the infirmary...
What a day...
So on my way to his office, which felt like fucking high school, I thought about the excuses I could make to actually having ownership of this. "Why yes, I do intend to use it to fight menacing demons that are out of my-I mean, the worlds control." After climbing a thousand and one steps (long story short the guy they hired to build it forgot to stop at one thousand) to the tower of the master (not mine,) I had to cast a spell of thrice times knocking, and was allowed to enter. "Why the hell are you here?!" He thundered! Asshole... I requested ownership of a magical explosive writing utensil. "Oh, what, to rob banks with?" HOW DARE HE! I haven't robbed a bank in all the years I have been super villaining. I told him such as well, and dared him to find proof! I do not stoop so low as stealing mortal mens currency. He simply stared at me. I then pulled out the big one: "Look, I'll only use it if there's a demon present." He stared at me more. "Promise?" "For god's sake yes! Gimme the damn pen!" He gave me his all mighty stare into the soul, and proclaimed to all that I was the new owner of the explosive writing wand!
Score.
So after leaving the citadel, I decided to take the pen out for a heist. Don't worry there will be demons present! They'll be mine of course, but there will be demons there! I remembered reading in the news paper that the antiques road show was in town, and knew that there would not only be very rare and valuable artifacts, but perhaps something that I could put into my study... Or maybe some cute shoes... maybe a matching robe too. I do need a new robe, after all. I also remember reading there would be an auction as well. I know I'll hit it big this time. I loaded the henchmen into the convoy of evil and set off! I thought we would first hit the road show, they usually have everything on display right there, whereas auctions have their stuff hidden. Don't feel like looking on the first go.
Okay, so, dunno how many of you have ever been to an antiques road show, but it's kind of weird. See, they usually set it up in a building of some sort... but this is little rock... so they had to set it up in a really big ass tent. I just... felt ashamed of trying to rob it... So instead what we did was knock over the truck and drive off.
So, that was a huge failure, and quite frankly embarrassing. So we then headed to the auction. Now, this would be promising. I ordered the men to enter in civilian clothing, but to keep their hoods up, and I would keep my mask on. I have to keep my identity a secret after all... We marched into the auction to find quite a fast talking fellow, and piles of old crap. I pulled up a brochure to find... well... crap, basically. On the list was an old porno on betamax, an elvis pin ball machine (whoever the hell that is...) a mint in box abraham lincoln bust with the hat missing... a thundercats lunch box!? What the hell IS this!? I just... there's literally no words to put into how I felt at that VERY moment.
You remember charlie, don't you? My second in command? Well, he was there with me, and gave me council. "Do you still want to do this? We can always go home ykno. Go somewhere else..." "No, charlie, no. We must do this, for the other men. They must see that their master is not disheartened by pathetic junk!" "But... this is pathetic junk." I simply stared at him. After a moment, I yelled "NOOOOOW!" And striked into action, ionizing the atmosphere and floating into their. AUCTIONEER! I thunered, YOU WILL STAND ASIDE AS WE PLUNDER (god... plunder... I can't believe I actually said that... Who says plunder anyways!?) YOUR PRICELESS GOODS! Little did I know that he was The Auctioneer!
Let me tell you about this... guy... You see, he was an auctioner, and we all know that their special talents are speaking really, really, fast. Well, one day he was auctioning off some toxic waste (God knows why) and it pretty much exploded onto him while speaking. This transformed his vocal chord and lung functions into a powerful speech super power! He is able to knock people on their asses with his voice, confuse them by speaking fast, and even make them unconscious by overloading their brains with fast speech. It is that powerful. Now, usually people like that would become super villains or something. What does he do!? He works! He's a fucking good guy!
I really wish I recognized him, because by god he gave it to us. He stared at me and let out a powerful boom of his voice, hurling me across the room. Meanwhile, my students got to work to dispose of this menace to villaining kind! The Auctioneer simply boomed his voice, confused my men, and knocked out my students. The little bastard! I had no choice. I had to call out a retreat. But before I did that, I put up the best kinetic shield I could, approached him, and filled his brain with horrible visions of depravity and mister rogers! Do not ask me what images of him I put into his mind, you don't wanna know...
After a hasty retreat and stealing what little we could find (We got the lunch box, might sell that on eBay, and one of the men managed to steal a totem pole, to my amazement) we simply headed back to the bunker and sent some of the men to the infirmary...
What a day...
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Journal entry 15
Should I be giving those titles names or something.... maybe calling each of them "Journal entry" just sounds very star trekky to me... Oh well, I'm sticking to it.
So I'm sore as hell but not sore enough to where I can't plan to steal an ass-tonof priceless antiques today. My sitting room needs to be refurnished and I don't intend on buying anything. We're a little broke... I gathered my students of the night into the shuttles (Maybe I'll rob a car dealership while I'm at it... these shuttle vans are starting to look weird...) and headed to the nearest antique store. Shortly after arriving I gathered all of my men and gave EXPLICIT instructions on using no magic at all! I don't want something catching on fire! The last time that happened the chair collapsed on me when I tried to sit in it. Took hours to get all the splinters from my-...nevermind...
It went a lot easier than I expected. I guess when you've got a bunch of masked guys and their leader is floating about two feet into the air, no one really wants to put up a fight. I perused the very lovely selection of fine red wood chairs and tables, and they even had one of those long backed chairs that I have been wanting since I saw beauty and the beast.
We loaded up the shuttle vans with my new furniture and drove back to my place. Unfortunately we had to leave a few students behind to make room for my new dining room table. I'd pick them up eventually. After arriving home, I found a note on my door, specifying that I come over next door, and that the greatest of urgency of my arrival was required! I believe my neighbor is the praying mantis, a strange insect themed criminal. He isn't a very good super villain... I've always thought of animal super villains as second grade anyways.
He said he needed some help with, apparently, a "ghost haunting." I thought it was adorable... The idea that ghosts would tie themselves to a physical structure is absolutely ridiculous. Let me clear that up right now: I have been a dark magician for twenty five years now, and not once have I ever found a haunted house. Not that I went looking, mind you, but I've never been summoned by one. I humored him, however, and took a quick look around the house. I figured I'd just charge him for this...
However his sentiments rang true, for it was not a spirit haunting his house, NAY! It was the haunting odor of an unemptied cat box! I hit the praying mantis man, and then left.
About that time it was 12:20, and I decided to have lunch. I ordered one of my henchmen to make the usual: ham and cheese with sprinkled bar-be-que chips on the top! But I wanted something different so I went with the grilled option this time. The grilled sandwich was most delectable, HOWEVER, it would have to be put on hold, for I had totally forgotten that I was going to raid captain assholes hideout! You see, commander freedom is usually out of his home on day patrols, doing god knows what, perhaps helping little old ladies across the street, or rescuing kitties out of the trees. Adorable. However, on this day he should have been protecting his homestead!
The plan was simple: Trash the place and download any information that we needed, whatever the hell that meant. Luckily I was not in charge of that portion. We had everything we needed: spray paint, bats of the baseball kind, hammers, my explosive writing pen, and of course our magic. We did not use the shuttles this time, because I wanted to test out a new form of mass teleportation. I can only take about ten people with me, so the rest would have to stay behind. It would be myself, eight students, and two of our students who are good with computers, along with spray cans and the other arsenal. I made the necessary preparations, and then chanted the spell, and with a thunderclap we were gone!
Now, something I think I missed. Perhaps I should have gotten the coordinates, but whatever it was, we wounded up into the house of the former Kremlin in Moscow. Quite embarrassing. I had to go outside and make the preparations with yellow snow... And once again, with another thunderclap, we were gone! This time, we ended up in the middle of a french fashion show. I despise both the french and fashion, so before we left I lit the place on fire! Fashion is nothing more than a desperate cry for help if you ask me. So, again... and we finally landed into the backyard of... my house.... UGH if I had known that mass teleportation was this frustrating I would have simply taken the shuttles!!!! I retreated to my spell book to look up what it was I was missing. It turns out that I must actually write the coordinates into the gaps of the circle, otherwise it turns into a random mass teleportation. It's no wonder I didn't wind up in the earths core.
Finally, finally, after all that nonsense, we were in front of commander morons house. We proceeded to act like "homies" and trashed his place, starting with that hideous car! Turns out commander freedom was not as stupid as I had thought. He set up a laser defense system. I casted a spell of unseen, and we had to quickly move to disable the laser system, or I would have to change my name to The Crispy Magic Man. The two tech students of the night found his computer system, and quickly casted a spell of BSOD, but I don't remember teaching them that, perhaps it stands for binding spell of doom.... I will have to ask them that later... While they worked on mister freedmonts computer, I proceeded to use my pen of explosive to write my name on his walls, IN EXPLODING FIRE! SO THAT HE KNOWS NEVER TO CROSS SWORDS WITH ME AGAIN! The rest of my men went to smashing priceless art work, couches, furnitures, and lamps. I believe a few of them took to jumping on his bed. TAKE THAT! When my tech students had finished with their work, I ordered a hasty retreat to the seven eleven down the street! There, we would mass teleport back to my house.
I have yet to hear of commander freedom, I am assuming he is grieving at the loss of his house hold security. But I can't help feel that I have forgotten to do something... Oh well, I suppose it is not that important...
So I'm sore as hell but not sore enough to where I can't plan to steal an ass-tonof priceless antiques today. My sitting room needs to be refurnished and I don't intend on buying anything. We're a little broke... I gathered my students of the night into the shuttles (Maybe I'll rob a car dealership while I'm at it... these shuttle vans are starting to look weird...) and headed to the nearest antique store. Shortly after arriving I gathered all of my men and gave EXPLICIT instructions on using no magic at all! I don't want something catching on fire! The last time that happened the chair collapsed on me when I tried to sit in it. Took hours to get all the splinters from my-...nevermind...
It went a lot easier than I expected. I guess when you've got a bunch of masked guys and their leader is floating about two feet into the air, no one really wants to put up a fight. I perused the very lovely selection of fine red wood chairs and tables, and they even had one of those long backed chairs that I have been wanting since I saw beauty and the beast.
We loaded up the shuttle vans with my new furniture and drove back to my place. Unfortunately we had to leave a few students behind to make room for my new dining room table. I'd pick them up eventually. After arriving home, I found a note on my door, specifying that I come over next door, and that the greatest of urgency of my arrival was required! I believe my neighbor is the praying mantis, a strange insect themed criminal. He isn't a very good super villain... I've always thought of animal super villains as second grade anyways.
He said he needed some help with, apparently, a "ghost haunting." I thought it was adorable... The idea that ghosts would tie themselves to a physical structure is absolutely ridiculous. Let me clear that up right now: I have been a dark magician for twenty five years now, and not once have I ever found a haunted house. Not that I went looking, mind you, but I've never been summoned by one. I humored him, however, and took a quick look around the house. I figured I'd just charge him for this...
However his sentiments rang true, for it was not a spirit haunting his house, NAY! It was the haunting odor of an unemptied cat box! I hit the praying mantis man, and then left.
About that time it was 12:20, and I decided to have lunch. I ordered one of my henchmen to make the usual: ham and cheese with sprinkled bar-be-que chips on the top! But I wanted something different so I went with the grilled option this time. The grilled sandwich was most delectable, HOWEVER, it would have to be put on hold, for I had totally forgotten that I was going to raid captain assholes hideout! You see, commander freedom is usually out of his home on day patrols, doing god knows what, perhaps helping little old ladies across the street, or rescuing kitties out of the trees. Adorable. However, on this day he should have been protecting his homestead!
The plan was simple: Trash the place and download any information that we needed, whatever the hell that meant. Luckily I was not in charge of that portion. We had everything we needed: spray paint, bats of the baseball kind, hammers, my explosive writing pen, and of course our magic. We did not use the shuttles this time, because I wanted to test out a new form of mass teleportation. I can only take about ten people with me, so the rest would have to stay behind. It would be myself, eight students, and two of our students who are good with computers, along with spray cans and the other arsenal. I made the necessary preparations, and then chanted the spell, and with a thunderclap we were gone!
Now, something I think I missed. Perhaps I should have gotten the coordinates, but whatever it was, we wounded up into the house of the former Kremlin in Moscow. Quite embarrassing. I had to go outside and make the preparations with yellow snow... And once again, with another thunderclap, we were gone! This time, we ended up in the middle of a french fashion show. I despise both the french and fashion, so before we left I lit the place on fire! Fashion is nothing more than a desperate cry for help if you ask me. So, again... and we finally landed into the backyard of... my house.... UGH if I had known that mass teleportation was this frustrating I would have simply taken the shuttles!!!! I retreated to my spell book to look up what it was I was missing. It turns out that I must actually write the coordinates into the gaps of the circle, otherwise it turns into a random mass teleportation. It's no wonder I didn't wind up in the earths core.
Finally, finally, after all that nonsense, we were in front of commander morons house. We proceeded to act like "homies" and trashed his place, starting with that hideous car! Turns out commander freedom was not as stupid as I had thought. He set up a laser defense system. I casted a spell of unseen, and we had to quickly move to disable the laser system, or I would have to change my name to The Crispy Magic Man. The two tech students of the night found his computer system, and quickly casted a spell of BSOD, but I don't remember teaching them that, perhaps it stands for binding spell of doom.... I will have to ask them that later... While they worked on mister freedmonts computer, I proceeded to use my pen of explosive to write my name on his walls, IN EXPLODING FIRE! SO THAT HE KNOWS NEVER TO CROSS SWORDS WITH ME AGAIN! The rest of my men went to smashing priceless art work, couches, furnitures, and lamps. I believe a few of them took to jumping on his bed. TAKE THAT! When my tech students had finished with their work, I ordered a hasty retreat to the seven eleven down the street! There, we would mass teleport back to my house.
I have yet to hear of commander freedom, I am assuming he is grieving at the loss of his house hold security. But I can't help feel that I have forgotten to do something... Oh well, I suppose it is not that important...
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Journal entry 14
What is today Wednesday? I think it's Wednesday. Not really sure...
So today I was able to actually move, but not too much, so I decided to go on a little journey. Let me tell you of the underworld citadel that I belong to.
Firstly, to get there, you must have a gateway somewhere in your house. It has to be your closet, there is no other choice. I hang all of my clothes on a separate rack. So, once you have set it up, you simply walk in. Which is what I do from time to time. So, once I walk in, I am taken to the outskirts of the citadel, which is held up by a thousand and one soulless beings, frozen in place forever. It's a bit unnerving to know that any second now this huge thing is going to just fall to the ground with a thump, and then I'd be sky rocketed to the ceiling. I mean really I just got out of a bad injury... Anyways, the reason for my trip was to pick up a magical tome, with which I need to learn a few more spells for my arsenal. Perhaps a magical weapon as well, maybe a force helmet... Some milk, bread, butter... Just the essentials. I don't really go to the grocery store, the citadel has it's own food supply readily available to all members of the citadel.
I did actually need pens due in fact that my students have been taking mine and not returning them...Unfortunately they didn't exactly have a very well stocked pen collection so I just had to take a quill and then continue on my way. I really did wish my students had not taken my pens and I needed to pick up this quill, but I'll get into that later.
So I did peruse through their rentals of magical items, including capes, hats, books of course, and slippers... Which I just HAD to have! They were my color! I went to the desk clerk to get some information on said slippers. Now, this isn't like freakin cinderella, these slippers are more like loafers. But! What they do is... well, interesting. They are sneaky slippers. They leave no foot prints, no sound, and no heat trace. I had to stare at him... what use would any of us in the citadel need for... for these... ninja shoes!? He simply shrugged. Damn book keepers. So I just checked them out anyways, I figure I could use them for my late night snacking that I've been told not to do.
After my visit with the citadel I came back home and had some work that needed to be done. I always wanted to use an old fashion quill! I even summoned myself an old ink pot. I was so savoring this first usage, and began to write. Suddenly my paper burst into flames! After putting it out, I simply stared at the quill, wondering what exactly I got. I wrote in the air, and my wall exploded. EUREKA! I had picked up an explosive writing wand! I've always wanted one of these.
A few of my students rushed to my "aide" and I had to ward them off. I merely told them that I had accidentally picked up an explosive writing wand, and that we would need to stop off at office max. I can't wait to use this tomorrow! I plan to assault Commander Freedoms base of operations!
So today I was able to actually move, but not too much, so I decided to go on a little journey. Let me tell you of the underworld citadel that I belong to.
Firstly, to get there, you must have a gateway somewhere in your house. It has to be your closet, there is no other choice. I hang all of my clothes on a separate rack. So, once you have set it up, you simply walk in. Which is what I do from time to time. So, once I walk in, I am taken to the outskirts of the citadel, which is held up by a thousand and one soulless beings, frozen in place forever. It's a bit unnerving to know that any second now this huge thing is going to just fall to the ground with a thump, and then I'd be sky rocketed to the ceiling. I mean really I just got out of a bad injury... Anyways, the reason for my trip was to pick up a magical tome, with which I need to learn a few more spells for my arsenal. Perhaps a magical weapon as well, maybe a force helmet... Some milk, bread, butter... Just the essentials. I don't really go to the grocery store, the citadel has it's own food supply readily available to all members of the citadel.
I did actually need pens due in fact that my students have been taking mine and not returning them...Unfortunately they didn't exactly have a very well stocked pen collection so I just had to take a quill and then continue on my way. I really did wish my students had not taken my pens and I needed to pick up this quill, but I'll get into that later.
So I did peruse through their rentals of magical items, including capes, hats, books of course, and slippers... Which I just HAD to have! They were my color! I went to the desk clerk to get some information on said slippers. Now, this isn't like freakin cinderella, these slippers are more like loafers. But! What they do is... well, interesting. They are sneaky slippers. They leave no foot prints, no sound, and no heat trace. I had to stare at him... what use would any of us in the citadel need for... for these... ninja shoes!? He simply shrugged. Damn book keepers. So I just checked them out anyways, I figure I could use them for my late night snacking that I've been told not to do.
After my visit with the citadel I came back home and had some work that needed to be done. I always wanted to use an old fashion quill! I even summoned myself an old ink pot. I was so savoring this first usage, and began to write. Suddenly my paper burst into flames! After putting it out, I simply stared at the quill, wondering what exactly I got. I wrote in the air, and my wall exploded. EUREKA! I had picked up an explosive writing wand! I've always wanted one of these.
A few of my students rushed to my "aide" and I had to ward them off. I merely told them that I had accidentally picked up an explosive writing wand, and that we would need to stop off at office max. I can't wait to use this tomorrow! I plan to assault Commander Freedoms base of operations!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
journal entry 13
So I'm a little high on pain killers right now, and honestly nothing happened today. I watched re runs on the television and crappy old movies on turners classic movies channel. Wish I knew who this turner guy was, because he has horrible tastes in movies!
We had a few invasions, but it was nothing the students couldn't handle. Some of the neighbors came by to see how I was, they brought flowers and free snacks as well. I always liked a good fruit basket. My master and The Caped Conjurer came by for a visit and to, apparently, make fun of me... the assholes...
So I'll tell you a bit about the movies I was forced to suffer through. One was about these six or seven or nine... I couldn't really keep track... japanese swordsmen. They were defending some village against bandits. I WAS hoping the bandits would win, but no these girls in dresses saved the day. Just once I'd like a bad guy to win! One of them had some rediculously huge sword too. Someone's compensating, eh?
The other film was about a guy in a wheel chair who was spying on his neighbors. I guess he broke his leg or something, so he took up voyeurism. It's not like I saw him with any books or anything, so there's no possible way he had nothing better to do than to see what his neighbor was having for lunch. It turned out to be a murder mystery though, so that was kinda interesting, I guess... seeing as how my nemesis does that for a living, the prick...
And by the time the pain killers we're starting to kick in, breakfast at tiffanys was playing, but I fell asleep half way through it. Something about some girl and a cat named cat... Creative...
Right now I have what is known as a laptop computer. It's a small device with a type writer apparatus and a viewing screen attached to one another. It's rather thin and rather heavy. What these devices are used for besides something called "myface" is beyond me. So that is how I am making my journal widely viewable for everyone.
Oh and my therapist has seen my journal entries. He does not approve but I told him to cram it, this is the only way I am doing it. He wants me to write more about not just what happens in my days but how I am also feeling. Does he even read these or does he skim them!? THIS MAKES ME VERY ANGRY!! How's that you shrink prick!? I had my freak out moment in the nut house, I don't need to express how the breakdown affects me every freakin day. Sometimes it doesn't! Course I still get nightmares but that doesn't affect the way I make my breakfast every morning: A bowl of crunchy cheerios, and god help them if they get soggy!!!!
We had a few invasions, but it was nothing the students couldn't handle. Some of the neighbors came by to see how I was, they brought flowers and free snacks as well. I always liked a good fruit basket. My master and The Caped Conjurer came by for a visit and to, apparently, make fun of me... the assholes...
So I'll tell you a bit about the movies I was forced to suffer through. One was about these six or seven or nine... I couldn't really keep track... japanese swordsmen. They were defending some village against bandits. I WAS hoping the bandits would win, but no these girls in dresses saved the day. Just once I'd like a bad guy to win! One of them had some rediculously huge sword too. Someone's compensating, eh?
The other film was about a guy in a wheel chair who was spying on his neighbors. I guess he broke his leg or something, so he took up voyeurism. It's not like I saw him with any books or anything, so there's no possible way he had nothing better to do than to see what his neighbor was having for lunch. It turned out to be a murder mystery though, so that was kinda interesting, I guess... seeing as how my nemesis does that for a living, the prick...
And by the time the pain killers we're starting to kick in, breakfast at tiffanys was playing, but I fell asleep half way through it. Something about some girl and a cat named cat... Creative...
Right now I have what is known as a laptop computer. It's a small device with a type writer apparatus and a viewing screen attached to one another. It's rather thin and rather heavy. What these devices are used for besides something called "myface" is beyond me. So that is how I am making my journal widely viewable for everyone.
Oh and my therapist has seen my journal entries. He does not approve but I told him to cram it, this is the only way I am doing it. He wants me to write more about not just what happens in my days but how I am also feeling. Does he even read these or does he skim them!? THIS MAKES ME VERY ANGRY!! How's that you shrink prick!? I had my freak out moment in the nut house, I don't need to express how the breakdown affects me every freakin day. Sometimes it doesn't! Course I still get nightmares but that doesn't affect the way I make my breakfast every morning: A bowl of crunchy cheerios, and god help them if they get soggy!!!!
Monday, February 21, 2011
journal entry 12
I feel like I've been run over by a truck... I haven't been this sore since I wrestled with the twin tongue mantis of epich.
Let me tell you what has happened today. After my therapy session, which went quite well, I immediately loaded up the van and we went to our destination. I was moving my operation to the Disney castle! It would be a long drive to florida, so we stopped off at a gas station to get snacks.
That... was a bad idea... For you see, the private detective and commander dick was there, CHATTING! I rallied my men! I darkened the sky, floated myself, and covered myself in lighting! I summoned many beasts of great horror and peanut butter, and beckoned them to rid me of their puny existence. The private dick called on his super men assassins and commander freedom went to "attempt" to dispose of my horrific minions. I'd like to see him try... these thing's are scarier than those SPAWN monsters.
The Commander dick was struggling with my minions, and the private dick was cowering in a corner. I waved off his men like they were mere insects in my way. My henchmen had over powered most of them, and dickwad was too busy fighting off my horrors to do anything to protect the private eye. At last! After ten years, my revenge was at hand! I lifted myself down, blowing out all the lights and setting aflame to the snack area. There he was... hiding in a corner, soiling himself, fumbling with his pathetic little revolver... I had him, I had him! I extended my hand to barbeque his ass, and then suddenly I was outside and my head was throbbing... Apparently we had missed a gigantic body guard he hired. The guy was the size of a house, practically! He was just climbing out of a hole in the side of the convenience store that I think I may have made with my body... and he was racing over to me. I was feeling a bit dizzy at this point, but I think one of my students rescued me or I turned him into a tortise... or maybe I was unconsious I'm still not really sure... my head is just POUNDING!
I do remember waking up to another hulk sized body guard carrying me over his shoulder to the private eye. He grunted out something like "What do with him?" and I quickly grabbed his nipple and gave him the worst purple nurple ever given. It was so bad, master would have cringed! For you see, dark magicians do not simply twist the nipple, we send the damn thing to oblivion in a hand basket and REALLY twist it, freeze it, burn it, and then fry it!! I think I made him cry too, mmmm delicious!
So... after being sent through a wall, and suffering a pounding head ache... I once again face my arch nemesis! I remember gripping my electrocuting hand... and then I remember my face being in the private eye's lap... I opened my eyes and I kind of hesistated... did I just have sex with this guy...? Did I get hit over the head with something heavy....? I stayed there, kind of getting my senses back. Yes... yes there's a REALLY bad pain in the back of my head... and talking.. yeah talking... and the private dick guy was groaning. HA! I had landed my face into his yarbles! Take that! And then I realized something else: My face was in his yarbles. I shot up, and wiped my face many times. I can still feel his junk on my face! EUGH!
After taking a moment to recover myself, I immediately looked behind me to see the store clerk holding a large folding chair. What is this wrestling!? I know I'm in a costume and mask but we're not in freakin mexico! I'm not a damn Lucha libre! I gave him horrible nightmares that would never leave him, and then turned back to my nemesis... again... But before I did that I took a quick look around to see if anyone else wanted to pot shot me. Finding no one, I returned to my nemesis to see-...that he had left. The little cry baby was running out the back door. I gave a howl of ethereal volumes and beckoned my students of the night to stop him! Yes I know it's corny and over done but it gets the message across of me wanting him and them needing to prevent him from running. It's quicker than saying all that.
Three of my best students, training in both the martial prowess and magic, springed into action and drop kicked him like a sack of potatoes! I call them my magical ninjas. Nifty name right? I slowly and menacingly marched toward him, again, and savored his final moments of life, while the sound of combat was.... quiet?
You remember how captain dick was fighting off my monsters? Well I guess he tied them all to a lamp post and was now B lining it toward me, because all of my magical ninjas were looking up like a flying saucer had just appeared, but it would be no flying saucer, NAY! It would be a homosexual in black spandex with a giant F on his chest, flying toward me with something heavy! I looked around slowly, and then all I remember were seeing stars, and I think some birds flying around my head... Quite a few birds, actually. It was cute, them flying around my head going "tweet tweet!"
I awoke inside my room, with my student medical staff tending to my wounds. They had informed me that when I was struck I actually stood, blanketed in fire and lighting, and proceeded to.... well beat the crap out of him like a second grader... And I guess he threw me into a nearby car. No wonder my back aches... BUT never you mind!! I shall recover and exact my revenge!
Now if you'll excuse me the pain killers are kicking in and I feel like singing along to Oklahoma!
Let me tell you what has happened today. After my therapy session, which went quite well, I immediately loaded up the van and we went to our destination. I was moving my operation to the Disney castle! It would be a long drive to florida, so we stopped off at a gas station to get snacks.
That... was a bad idea... For you see, the private detective and commander dick was there, CHATTING! I rallied my men! I darkened the sky, floated myself, and covered myself in lighting! I summoned many beasts of great horror and peanut butter, and beckoned them to rid me of their puny existence. The private dick called on his super men assassins and commander freedom went to "attempt" to dispose of my horrific minions. I'd like to see him try... these thing's are scarier than those SPAWN monsters.
The Commander dick was struggling with my minions, and the private dick was cowering in a corner. I waved off his men like they were mere insects in my way. My henchmen had over powered most of them, and dickwad was too busy fighting off my horrors to do anything to protect the private eye. At last! After ten years, my revenge was at hand! I lifted myself down, blowing out all the lights and setting aflame to the snack area. There he was... hiding in a corner, soiling himself, fumbling with his pathetic little revolver... I had him, I had him! I extended my hand to barbeque his ass, and then suddenly I was outside and my head was throbbing... Apparently we had missed a gigantic body guard he hired. The guy was the size of a house, practically! He was just climbing out of a hole in the side of the convenience store that I think I may have made with my body... and he was racing over to me. I was feeling a bit dizzy at this point, but I think one of my students rescued me or I turned him into a tortise... or maybe I was unconsious I'm still not really sure... my head is just POUNDING!
I do remember waking up to another hulk sized body guard carrying me over his shoulder to the private eye. He grunted out something like "What do with him?" and I quickly grabbed his nipple and gave him the worst purple nurple ever given. It was so bad, master would have cringed! For you see, dark magicians do not simply twist the nipple, we send the damn thing to oblivion in a hand basket and REALLY twist it, freeze it, burn it, and then fry it!! I think I made him cry too, mmmm delicious!
So... after being sent through a wall, and suffering a pounding head ache... I once again face my arch nemesis! I remember gripping my electrocuting hand... and then I remember my face being in the private eye's lap... I opened my eyes and I kind of hesistated... did I just have sex with this guy...? Did I get hit over the head with something heavy....? I stayed there, kind of getting my senses back. Yes... yes there's a REALLY bad pain in the back of my head... and talking.. yeah talking... and the private dick guy was groaning. HA! I had landed my face into his yarbles! Take that! And then I realized something else: My face was in his yarbles. I shot up, and wiped my face many times. I can still feel his junk on my face! EUGH!
After taking a moment to recover myself, I immediately looked behind me to see the store clerk holding a large folding chair. What is this wrestling!? I know I'm in a costume and mask but we're not in freakin mexico! I'm not a damn Lucha libre! I gave him horrible nightmares that would never leave him, and then turned back to my nemesis... again... But before I did that I took a quick look around to see if anyone else wanted to pot shot me. Finding no one, I returned to my nemesis to see-...that he had left. The little cry baby was running out the back door. I gave a howl of ethereal volumes and beckoned my students of the night to stop him! Yes I know it's corny and over done but it gets the message across of me wanting him and them needing to prevent him from running. It's quicker than saying all that.
Three of my best students, training in both the martial prowess and magic, springed into action and drop kicked him like a sack of potatoes! I call them my magical ninjas. Nifty name right? I slowly and menacingly marched toward him, again, and savored his final moments of life, while the sound of combat was.... quiet?
You remember how captain dick was fighting off my monsters? Well I guess he tied them all to a lamp post and was now B lining it toward me, because all of my magical ninjas were looking up like a flying saucer had just appeared, but it would be no flying saucer, NAY! It would be a homosexual in black spandex with a giant F on his chest, flying toward me with something heavy! I looked around slowly, and then all I remember were seeing stars, and I think some birds flying around my head... Quite a few birds, actually. It was cute, them flying around my head going "tweet tweet!"
I awoke inside my room, with my student medical staff tending to my wounds. They had informed me that when I was struck I actually stood, blanketed in fire and lighting, and proceeded to.... well beat the crap out of him like a second grader... And I guess he threw me into a nearby car. No wonder my back aches... BUT never you mind!! I shall recover and exact my revenge!
Now if you'll excuse me the pain killers are kicking in and I feel like singing along to Oklahoma!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)